My mom.
Here she is in a picture with my lovely aunt.
My mom is the Lady in Red.
Name that music artist.
So, my mom decides yesterday, on December 15th, that she might need to start thinking about Christmas cards.
Mom: Here's my plan. I'll have all 6 of the grandkids over on Saturday. I will take a picture, make cards through Costco, and then send them out by Monday. Will that work?
Me: Sure.
Never mind that this woman does not realize how difficult it is to get multiple children to all smile in a picture.
Never mind that she does not ever know where her digital camera is.
Never mind that when she finds said camera, the batteries are always dead.
Never mind that when she replaces said batteries, the memory card is full.
Never mind that she does not know how to upload photos to her computer.
Never mind that she does not know how to upload photos from her computer to Costco.
Never mind that she does not have time to pick up cards from Costco.
The odds are stacked up against her, but technically she can do it.
Next, she decides that maybe I should just create a card using pictures I already have on hand.
That way, we could get them made today, send them out sooner, and not have them be late to 75% of the recipients.
So, I email her a few pictures to look at.
And now, gentle readers, for your entertainment, I present to you:
My Phone Conversation with Mom:
Me: Did you get the pictures?
Mom: Sort of.
Me: What does that mean?
Mom: Dang it. I see one.
Me: Ok. Will that work?
Mom: Sure.
Me: Ok. Do you want me to pick out a card for you, or would you like to pick one out?
Mom: I'll pick one out.
Me: Ok. Go to www.costco.com
Mom: Ummm . . . I'll just Google it.
Interruption: I am shocked that mother knows what Google is.
Me: Why are you Googling it? That makes no sense. I just gave you the address. And it's not even tricky.
Mom: Well, I don't have my glasses on.
Me: Still doesn't make sense.
Mom: Ok. I am there. Do I click on photos?
Me: Yes!
I find this encouraging.
Mom: Shoot. It wants a username and password.
I have already set her up an account in the past. I tell her what her username is. It is conveniently, her email.
I tell her what her password is. It is conveniently the same as her email password.
Mom: Okay, I am in.
Me: Ok, click on photo cards.
Mom: Now it is asking me for my username and password again! Why?
Me: I don't know, Mom. Just enter it again.
Mom: Dang. Now it says that my username is invalid.
Me: Did you type it in right?
Mom: I hate the internet. Why does it have to be so hard? I am even trying to buy something. Doesn't the internet want my business?
So many things to be said about that statement.
Now, while I am on the phone with Ma, the Lumberjack is watching an old Office episode.
So, I start laughing because Dwight has just congratulated the firefighters on their quick response time.
Mom is mad that I am laughing.
It will take too long to explain that I am also watching tv.
The fact that I can be on that tricky internet machine and be watching tv will blow her mind.
Have you seen this Office episode?
500 (meaningless) points to you if you know who started the fire in that episode.
Mom: Grant! Bring me my glasses!
Grant is my dad.
Remember him?
He is also not technologically-savvy.
One year my mom got him an Ipod for Christmas.
Why?
No one knows.
Anyways, he gets this Ipod, and doesn't use it.
Then his birthday comes, in April, and he gets some ITunes giftcards.
So, he has me help him buy songs and get them onto the Ipod.
We get two songs.
Dad: That's good for now.
Me: Dad. You have like $98 more dollars.
Dad: I know. But that's fine.
Me: Okay.
So, there goes my dad, out to work in the backyard, with his 2 song Ipod.
Goober.
Alright.
Back to the original story at hand:
Me: Can you see the photo cards?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Which one would you like?
Mom: Ummm . . . I don't care. Why don't you just go with your gut?
Me: They are your cards. Shouldn't we go with your gut?
Mom: It doesn't really matter.
Me: Ok. What picture do you want me to use?
Mom: Go with the Kiddie Kandids one.
Me: Ok. Do you remember how awful my boys looked?
Mom: Oh, yeah! Ok. I will just take a picture on Saturday.
Me: Ok, mom. Bye.
Mom: Bye.
*****
Here's a fact that might surprise you:
This woman can manage a large pediatric practice with 3 offices, umpteen providers, and numerous employees.
But she cannot figure out how to find Costco.com.
*Disclaimer*
I love my parents very much and I think they are fantabulous.
I just feel they should stay away from anything that would involve phrases such as:
upload
download
attach
synch
podcast
digital
computer
Best Buy
***
In this post, there were 2 questions:
1) Who sang Lady in Red?
2) Who started the fire in the Office episode?
Can you do it?
