My mom.
Here she is in a picture with my lovely aunt.
My mom is the Lady in Red.
Name that music artist.
So, my mom decides yesterday, on December 15th, that she might need to start thinking about Christmas cards.
Mom: Here's my plan. I'll have all 6 of the grandkids over on Saturday. I will take a picture, make cards through Costco, and then send them out by Monday. Will that work?
Me: Sure.
Never mind that this woman does not realize how difficult it is to get multiple children to all smile in a picture.
Never mind that she does not ever know where her digital camera is.
Never mind that when she finds said camera, the batteries are always dead.
Never mind that when she replaces said batteries, the memory card is full.
Never mind that she does not know how to upload photos to her computer.
Never mind that she does not know how to upload photos from her computer to Costco.
Never mind that she does not have time to pick up cards from Costco.
The odds are stacked up against her, but technically she can do it.
Next, she decides that maybe I should just create a card using pictures I already have on hand.
That way, we could get them made today, send them out sooner, and not have them be late to 75% of the recipients.
So, I email her a few pictures to look at.
And now, gentle readers, for your entertainment, I present to you:
My Phone Conversation with Mom:
Me: Did you get the pictures?
Mom: Sort of.
Me: What does that mean?
Mom: Dang it. I see one.
Me: Ok. Will that work?
Mom: Sure.
Me: Ok. Do you want me to pick out a card for you, or would you like to pick one out?
Mom: I'll pick one out.
Me: Ok. Go to www.costco.com
Mom: Ummm . . . I'll just Google it.
Interruption: I am shocked that mother knows what Google is.
Me: Why are you Googling it? That makes no sense. I just gave you the address. And it's not even tricky.
Mom: Well, I don't have my glasses on.
Me: Still doesn't make sense.
Mom: Ok. I am there. Do I click on photos?
Me: Yes!
I find this encouraging.
Mom: Shoot. It wants a username and password.
I have already set her up an account in the past. I tell her what her username is. It is conveniently, her email.
I tell her what her password is. It is conveniently the same as her email password.
Mom: Okay, I am in.
Me: Ok, click on photo cards.
Mom: Now it is asking me for my username and password again! Why?
Me: I don't know, Mom. Just enter it again.
Mom: Dang. Now it says that my username is invalid.
Me: Did you type it in right?
Mom: I hate the internet. Why does it have to be so hard? I am even trying to buy something. Doesn't the internet want my business?
So many things to be said about that statement.
Now, while I am on the phone with Ma, the Lumberjack is watching an old Office episode.
So, I start laughing because Dwight has just congratulated the firefighters on their quick response time.
Mom is mad that I am laughing.
It will take too long to explain that I am also watching tv.
The fact that I can be on that tricky internet machine and be watching tv will blow her mind.
Have you seen this Office episode?
500 (meaningless) points to you if you know who started the fire in that episode.
Mom: Grant! Bring me my glasses!
Grant is my dad.
Remember him?
He is also not technologically-savvy.
One year my mom got him an Ipod for Christmas.
Why?
No one knows.
Anyways, he gets this Ipod, and doesn't use it.
Then his birthday comes, in April, and he gets some ITunes giftcards.
So, he has me help him buy songs and get them onto the Ipod.
We get two songs.
Dad: That's good for now.
Me: Dad. You have like $98 more dollars.
Dad: I know. But that's fine.
Me: Okay.
So, there goes my dad, out to work in the backyard, with his 2 song Ipod.
Goober.
Alright.
Back to the original story at hand:
Me: Can you see the photo cards?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Which one would you like?
Mom: Ummm . . . I don't care. Why don't you just go with your gut?
Me: They are your cards. Shouldn't we go with your gut?
Mom: It doesn't really matter.
Me: Ok. What picture do you want me to use?
Mom: Go with the Kiddie Kandids one.
Me: Ok. Do you remember how awful my boys looked?
Mom: Oh, yeah! Ok. I will just take a picture on Saturday.
Me: Ok, mom. Bye.
Mom: Bye.
*****
Here's a fact that might surprise you:
This woman can manage a large pediatric practice with 3 offices, umpteen providers, and numerous employees.
But she cannot figure out how to find Costco.com.
*Disclaimer*
I love my parents very much and I think they are fantabulous.
I just feel they should stay away from anything that would involve phrases such as:
upload
download
attach
synch
podcast
digital
computer
Best Buy
***
In this post, there were 2 questions:
1) Who sang Lady in Red?
2) Who started the fire in the Office episode?
Can you do it?
So I think I remember that Ryan was the one who started the fire because he left something in the oven (or something like that...).
ReplyDeleteAnd Lady In Red was sung by Chris de Burgh. (I had to Google that one... And yes, I do know how to use Google. :)
Dwight! I love that episode and this post is stinkin funny! I don't know who sings the song...sorry.
ReplyDeleteI don't know either, but I do LOVE The Office. I just can't remember; my old feeble brain doesn't have room for that kind of stuff anymore. All I can remember is," Do one of the kids need to go potty? What am I making for dinner? How many loads of laundry do I have to do today?" etc, etc. You know.... :)
ReplyDeleteThat picture of Dad is priceless. It really is. I wonder if he has any concept of how ridiculous he looks. I mean, really. It's really bad.
ReplyDeleteBack in the day, when you and Danny bailed on me and left me at the house with mom and dad...alone....I was always in trouble, like seriously in trouble, anytime they wanted to check their email. It was like a thirty minute endeavor. They would get mad at me for everything, where to put the username and password, how to go to their inbox, how to reply and they were LIVID because I knew how to do it. That was what angered them the most.
To add to the list:
automatic updates
auto-complete
rip/burn
MP3/WAV
zoom
firewall
pirate
torrent
.pdf
status update
and mac, yeah they really need to stay away from mac computers. Can you imagine? They don't even know how to use Windows. OH they would freak out.
Soooo funny! Ryan is my kind of guy who likes the flicker of a good fire and Chris De Burgh sang the song. I am so not techno savy! I can identify with your mama.
ReplyDeleteYa'll have a super day filled with unexpected blessings!!!
Geez loise, I shoulda sent her the darn cards along with the labels.
ReplyDeleteI just laughed out loud in my classroom with a room full of working students looking at the Kiddie Kandid picture of the boys- they are too funny!
ReplyDeleteMy dad is the exact same way as your mom- he thinks everything must be put in a folder on his desktop that he creates. He has about 20000 folders, with one item in each.
Parents are something, eh?
One of my fav Office songs - "Ryan started the fi-re, Ryan started the fi-re.......
ReplyDeleteOh, and by the way, I don't even know half of the terms you used on your list.
ReplyDeletePerhaps my blog name for you should be MegaTech.
Huh?
Eh?
Thoughts?
Meagan! Mom called me on her lunch hour to say she had read this and was laughing so hard she started crying and now has to worry about going to work with mascara all down her face.
ReplyDeleteI asked her if she read your comment (which made me laugh and laugh).
Her response?
"I tried, but I couldn't find comments. Where do you find comments?"
Oh, man!
Perfect!
My mil just sent us an envelope of pictures she took at Thanksgiving...they are all smaller than any photo I've ever seen (not counting the wallets you get from school pics). And she manages to always completely capture some inanimate object in the room while the people she is trying to get are at the very bottom of the print (if we are there at all) so it's just our heads and necks, maybe shoulders if we're lucky. Sometimes you can only see the part in our hair.
ReplyDeleteShe is however very good with the internet so I must give her points for that. My mom's internet is generally 'broken'.
i didn't read your comments - i am sure someone guessed already. the temp started the fire, i can even sing the song! :-) not sure about lady in red but i totally know that song, too.
ReplyDeleteI loved the Lady in Red! sigh.
ReplyDeleteGot to see your mom today at one of her three pediatric offices. I have been to two of them this week - one of them twice. We had a nice chat. I miss seeing her often.
Okay, okay....just so they know they're not alone, I totally get the quest to understand all things computer, internet, etc. The problem is that although your mom and I both do use a computer at work, we use it for work. We don't really have time to play on it, nor did we ever spend the money for one of those self learning CD's that are advertised on TV by the guy who seems oh so pleasant while he's currently offering to send us a "free" CD to learn all we need to learn about Ebay. Lexie is our go-to girl, she bought me a Nano last Christmas & I can honestly say every song on it she did for me. We are so lucky to have our Tech (ie) children. Tell your mom we will love any picture we receive. :) Love you!
ReplyDeleteGreat post!! I miss your mom so much! She is so funny, I can totally hear her voice and picture this conversation. She is such an amazing woman and yet technology is just not her thing. Good thing she has you to help her with that :) I too will be taking a photo this weekend and mailing my cards on Monday....
ReplyDeleteNice job! You are the grand winner! And the fastest!
ReplyDeletethat's really hilarious and really sad. I see Grandmas navigating the internet all the time. I don't understand why they don't understand. If it were so confusing, why would everyone be on the internet? They just refuse to listen and learn. They don't want to learn. They have what Seligman would call "learned helplessness". That was on my final yesterday. One of many
ReplyDeleteHere is a great little story for you. The other day at work your mom asked Devin how to look up something online or find a site, I can't remember which. His response was to Google it....Hers: Where do I fing Google? Devin just shook his head and told her to try and locate it on Yahoo! I may be missing some of the particulars, but you get the gist.
ReplyDeleteHey! Back off. I have well over a hundred songs on my IPOD. Dad.
ReplyDeleteYeah . . . Dad . . . that's not that many. :)
ReplyDeleteMy stepmom can plan a full 5-course meal for 50 people, but she cannot pick up the phone and order her vitamins from Melaleuca. I have done it for her every month for 12 years. Cracks me up!
ReplyDeleteTell Devin that is totally why she thought she should google Costco instead of just type in Costco.com
ReplyDeleteShe is really quite special, isn't she? :)
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