Not-so-Super Mario

I have nothing of importance to say, yet here I am, starting a blog post.

Lucky you.

First off, I must share with you a few more of the Christmas gifts that were given to me.  Because you care.  I just know it!

1)  New silverware.

This is exciting on so many levels.  Something strange has happened to our forks.

They are all twisted-like.

Turns out our loved ones have had enough of us serving them my delicious cooking with those poky forks.

Oh, sure.  There were a couple of good ones in there.  David and I always used them and gave the poky forks to the kids.

It's good for them.  They are hearty, rural folk.

But now, I am all fancy-like with forks that have straight prongs.  I am getting a bit "highfalutin" for ruralville, if you ask me.

2)  I got a new purse!

Remember my ginormous mom purse?

Justin loves it when I post that picture of him.

Anyways, my mom got me a new purse.  Handsome Dude really wanted to model it for you all.  For he is all that is boy.

It is much more reasonable, don't you think?  It is called The Sak.  My mother also has the same one in brown-ish.  I feel it is cute.  If I am wrong and this purse is only for those persons closer to my mother's age, please to do not tell me.  I want this purse to work out for me.  Thank you.

We got the kids Super Mario for the Wii for Christmas.  Last night we decided to give it a whirl.

We were stuck on this screen for 30 minutes and I am not exaggerating one bit.

We couldn't do anything.  But all the mushroom trees were moving, causing to Little Dude to furiously shout:

"Why are the TREES dancing?!  Why!?" every fourteen seconds.  It was a blessed family memory.

Eventually, after 30 minutes of trial and error, Sweet Pea finally discovered that if you push the button bearing the letter "A", the Mario character-type peoples finally start their adventure.

Unfortunately by that point, it was time for dinner.

That was money well spent.

I am greatly enjoying my Christmas break and not teaching the home school.  I mean, don't get me wrong, home school is a barrel of laughs, but sometimes it is nice to take a break, you know?

Today, I was putting Handsome Dude down for his nap.

Which is a glorious moment if there ever was one.

HD (short for Handsome Dude . . . keep up!):  Mom.  Did you fix your hair?

Me:  Yes!  Do you like it.

(I had curled it)

HD:  Um.  It looks like you died.

Me:  What?

HD:  I mean, I think it's not done.  You should do it more.  Good night!

That boy is lucky he is so cute.

He is pretty precious these days.  He loves helping around the house and vacuuming.  He is the world's worst vacuumer, but I do not want to crush his spirit, you know?  Lately, he has also taken to organizing the pantry for me.

He insists on doing this and it totally messes me up.  He puts everything in different places and I pretend to not notice the stash of marshmallows he has hidden for himself.

Sneaky, sneaky.

Saturday is the last day of the year, and also Sweet Pea's birthday.  She is going to be nine, if you can believe it.  I sure can't.

I saw this post on Money Saving Mom about things some new homemade things she wants to try and make.  I was thinking of trying to make some new homemade things, since I am a 30 year old, rural, home school mom and all.

I already make my own laundry soap.  My dad makes fun of it.

If you can believe that.

Anyways, here are some new things I am considering trying:

Baking my own bread (we go through a lot)

Homemade Face Soap

Homemade OxiClean

Homemade Hand Soap.

I know, right?  Could I be any weirder?

I think not.

Anyways, I think one of my New Year's Resolutions is going to be to do more homemade things to save money and cook healthier-more cooking from scratch and exciting stuff like that.

What about you?

Have you made your own face soap? And if so, does your face look weird?

Do you have orange whites like I do?  Darn well water.

Does your son tell you your hair looks like you died?

Did your husband fall asleep on the couch at 6:53pm?

Are you able-minded enough to play Super Mario on the Wii?

Is my purse cute?

Darn.  I should probably exercise more next year, too.

Boo.

Do your forks bend all weird after a few years?

Talk to me!  Chat with me!

My husband did fall asleep before 7pm.  It's the least you can do.

Or not.  The choice is yours.

Happy Thursday!

Why do you hate Christmas?

I trust you all had a Merry Christmas, no?  I am feeling a bit overwhelmed as to how I shall recap ours for you, so I shall go with a list of the top memories from the holiday season.

Please try to contain your excitement.

1)  David and I took the kids to our church's Christmas Eve service.  The dudes had a hard time acting "appropriate" for "big" church.

Little Dude (whisper-shouting and pointing to a lady near us who was singing and raising her hands up):  Why HE have his hands up?

Me (trying to figure out how to explain this):  Because SHE is singing to God.

For the next song, this dear lady opted to not raise her hands.  As was her prerogative.

Little Dude (whisper-shouting):  Mom!  Why HE not sing to God no more?  Does HE not like God?

Handsome Dude decided to kneel on the floor and stick his upper body through the seat in front of him.  Therefore, his lower half was in our row and his upper half was in the row in front of us.  Because he is well-behaved like that.

He was singing "Silent Night" super loud.  I mean really loud.  We had several adults nearby looking around for the source of the not-so-heavenly noise.  Everytime someone would spot Handsome Dude, sporting his glasses, stuck in a folding chair,  and singing his little heart out, they would chuckle and smile at us.

It was presh.

And isn't it annoying when someone writes "presh?"  I mean, how hard is it to write precious?

2)  After church, we celebrated with David's side of the family and I did not get one, single photo.  We had our white elephant gift exchange.  Little Dude opened a garage-sale rabbit cage that my sister-in-law had stuffed with stuffed animals.

It was, quite possibly, his most favorite all-time gift and it sits in his room right now where he lovingly stores all of his furry friends.

3)  On Christmas Day, I woke up at 5:45am and no one else woke up until about 7:30.  Daisy Mae was the first to come upstairs.

Daisy Mae:  Mom!  It's Christmas!

Me:  Yes!  Merry Christmas!

Daisy Mae: I remember in, like, October, I thought to myself when will Christmas be here?  And now it is here!

Me:  Yup!

Daisy Mae:  Also, I thought to myself, "When will I be fourteen?"  But that might take longer.  You know?

?

Why 14?  I cannot be certain.

4)  My family came over on Christmas Day.  I did remember to get pictures of this event, mainly so I could send some pictures to my Auntie Datenut who lives far, far away.

Sweet Pea

My mom and Handsome Dude

Me and Handsome Dude with my gift from Auntie Datenut.

Please notice how the wrapping paper says "Taylor."

David with the cd Auntie made him.

That smile is about to break his face.

Handsome Dude with the pj's Auntie made for him.

Little Dude trying on his new cowboy boots.

Daisy Mae with the outfit Auntie made for her.

5)  For Christmas dinner, my dad made prime rib.  My mother insisted I take a picture of the hunk of meat for my blog.

?

So here you go.

\

Meat.

My parents have discovered AllRecipes.com and are quite proud of themselves for doing so.  I haven't the heart to inform them that this site has been around for a bit. They found this recipe for prime rib where you leave the meat on the counter for like 5 hours, which sounds a bit shady to me.  Then you put it in the oven at 500 for one hour and shut off the oven and let the meat sit in there for two more hours and NO ONE CAN OPEN THE OVEN DOOR EVER until that 2 hours is up.

It was extremely stressful.

6)  My mom got me boots for Christmas.  The kind of boots that go up over jeans.  You know?

Like this:

(source)

And yes, that is exactly how I expect to look when donning my new boots.  I may be a couple of years late to this boot party, but I am finally here, nonetheless.

7)  Yesterday, the day after Christmas, Handsome Dude was trying to re-hang an ornament that fell down.  Instead, he knocked the entire Christmas tree over.

No.  I did not get a picture of the tree once it had fallen.  It was pouring water everywhere and we could not walk through the living room, so I decided I had better get the tree up post haste.

David and his large muscles were, conveniently, at work.

As I lifted the tree I knew that there was no way I could lift the tree.  All of my babies were in the "fall zone", so I got that super cool adrenaline rush and somehow got the tree to rest against the wall.

Be impressed.

8)  As a result of my heroic moment, my neck/shoulders/back area is killing me.  I literally cannot move.  It hurts so much.

9)  When David came home from work, he helped me put away all the Christmas decor and remove the tree of death.  Little Dude, who was apparently unaware of our plans to un-deck the halls that evening, came down the stairs and shouted in fury:

"Mom!  Why do you HATE Christmas?!  Why?!"

Happy Tuesday!

PS-Is today Tuesday?

I have no idea.

All Because We Fell in Love

David had the day off today, which is rare for him.  I was bummed because I had many things to do today, and was looking forward to a day off with him on Monday.  But now, he has to work Monday.  Lame.

But that is neither here nor there.  As I just mentioned, David had today off and was being "helpful" with the kids so I could spend all day in the kitchen.

Would you like to see how David "helps?"

Sure you do.

First, he entertains Little Dude.

By sticking him up on high places.

?

Hmmm . . . .

It's probably my payback for my new sign that states:

"All Because We Fell In Love."

Do you see it there?  In  the shelves?  Do you?  Do you?

Oh, he loathes it.  He truly does.  But it was on clearance for about $1.99, so he needs to get over it.

And now, whenever the kids are acting up or glasses are breaking or I am walking by with my 9 millionth load of laundry for the day, David gleefully calls out:

"Hey, hon!  It's All Because We Fell in Love."

Such a punk.  And I love him.

It's like David's version of Elf on the Shelf.

(source)

Have you guys heard of this?  I hadn't until I saw them on Pinterest.  But anyways, we don't put elves on shelves.
Just our children.

David also helps by helping the children get in touch with their creative sides.

He gave Little Dude a tattoo and did this to the girls:

Can you believe him?

He did, however, peel 10 pounds of potatoes for me with a twinkle in his eye and a song in his heart.

Plus, Handsome Dude was begging and begging him to take him on a bike ride all day long, and he did.  And it was like, 22 degrees outside.  What a dad!

So, I guess I can get over it.

Just like he can get over my "All Because We Fell in Love Sign," because I have to deal with this business:

Let's move on.

We made "flat" gingerbread houses.  And, yes, I got the idea off of Pinterest, and, no, I do not spend a lot of time on that site . . . why do you ask?

Here's what they are supposed to look like:

(Source and Link to Instructions)

And here's what our decorating party turned out like.

Daisy Mae

Handsome Dude

He was pretty modest with the amount of candy he put on his first house, don't you think?

Little Dude.

Little Dude NEVER sits on his bottom.  He is such a rebel.

Sweet Pea.

Sweet Pea is going through a "Don't take my picture" phase.  It's not annoying at all.

My houses:

The one on the right is either A)  Santa, B)  A Puppy, or C) Santa-Puppy.

Your choice.

David's houses.

David was quite proud of his houses and declared them the best.  He also informed us all that he had taken a cake decorating class in his youth.

?

This was news to me, my friends.  He may have been lying.  As he oft does when he is at home "helping" me.  I will have to go straight to the source on this one and get back to you:  his mother.

And now, it is almost Christmas Eve.  We have a very busy weekend ahead of us and the children are about to burst from all the excitement and whatnot.  We will spend the morning at home.  I will attempt to make my own clam chowder for lunch, which should be interesting, seeing as how David is the only one who likes clams.

But, he enjoys the clam chowder and his mom used to make clam chowder on Christmas Eve, so I will give it a whirl.

If I can cook elk, I can simmer clams.

Then we will go to church for Christmas Eve service, which is my favorite part.  Afterwards we go spend time with David's family and eat finger foods, open gifts, and do a white elephant gift exchange.

On Christmas morning, we are opening presents and the like and then my parents, sister, and her friend will be coming over to join in on the merriment.

And yes, I am hosting a big dinner.  Because I am 30 now, and these are the things I must do.  But before I impress your socks off . . . my dad is bringing and preparing prime rib.  I am to be trusted with only the side dishes.  Which is fine by me.

I hope you all have a wonderful time with your families and remember the true meaning of Christmas.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

And I must share one, last thing with you.  The very first Christmas after David and I met, I spent Christmas eve with his family.  We had a wonderful time and he even surprised me with a diamond necklace.

This is because he had a job, but no house payment, car payment, electric bill, children, a not-so-efficient diesel rig, and a four-year-old boy who is not so gentle with the glasses.

But I remember that Christmas.  I knew that night that I was going to marry him.

Not because of the diamonds, people.

Because I just did.

And here we are, 13 years later from that first Christmas.  We are blessed with four healthy, children.  We have bills that seem to add up too quickly.  Appliances break.  The gas tanks always seem empty.  We never have enough milk.  And there is always somebody crying.

But God has blessed us and we have everything we need.

All Because We Fell in Love.

Ha!

Did you see what I did just there?

That was smooth.  There's no denying it.

Merry Christmas!

The Post in Which I Mention I am 30 on Numerous Occasions. You'reWelcome.

As you may or may not recall, my sister-in-law taught me how to cut my childrens' hair.

That picture was taken WEEKS ago.  Weeks ago, I tell you.  Alas, it was time to cut the boys' hair again.  Only this time, I did not have the helpful, watchful eye of Lisa to guide me.  But I am 30 now, so I should be able to handle these things.

Other things that have happened since I've turned 30:

1)  I have gotten over my fear of active dry yeast.

2)  I ironed on a patch for the very first time.

3)  It fell off 19 minutes later.

4)  I have ground up nasty elk flesh and lovingly packaged it, all for my husband.

5)  I canned 119 quarts of applesauce, about 20 pints of jam, and 50ish quarts of peaches.

6)  Finally found the best deodorant in the world.  "Certain Dri."  Walmart.  $5.  Do it.

7)  Not that I would ever sweat.  Nope.

8)  Bought the world's largest "Mom Purse."

I think it makes me look thinner, don't you?

But anyways.  That is neither here nor there.   Let's focus.

I cut both the boys' hair AND David's hair.  The boys' hair I cut with scissors, because I am conceited and certain I am already a professional.  David's hair got buzzed.  Because he doesn't trust me.  And rightly so.

I cut the boys' hair, felt it was a fantastic job, and called Lisa to brag.  But then the next day, I noticed all the scissor marks everywhere.

"Oh!" I said, talking to myself as I am wont to do.  "I just must have cut the wrong direction."

So the next night, I had "Haircut Redo" night.

Little Dude:  Are we gonna cut our hair every night?

Hey, Dude.

(source)

Oh, darn.  No one can deny that the above photo is, in fact, hilarious.  And, yes.  I have been trying to figure out a way to sneak that into a post all week.  Thank you for asking.

So, I did the redo and felt it was fine and splendid until about 10 minutes ago when I noticed 40 billion scissor lines.  And now I think I am just going to buzz them.  Because I am lame and a waste of a good 30-year-old.

I did not leave the house all week and I was feeling a bit, oh, I don't know, INSANE.  Last night, I was creating a shopping list for my dapper husband and feeling a bit jealous that he gets to go to town and I had to stay in Ruralville.  Then I realized that I just HAD to go to Costco, because there is no way I am making a pumpkin pie, because I have a fear of homemade pie crust.  Therefore and henceforth, I told him that I should do the shopping because he is not The Costco Member.

It was brilliant on my part, if you must know.  You see, David gets to go to civilization daily.  It makes more sense with the ol' gas budget if he just picks up the groceries on the way home.  But sometimes a girl just needs to go shopping.  Even if it is with 4 kids on December 22nd.

I was so excited for my day out that I woke up at 5:45am.  I wasn't even planning on leaving until after lunch.  But goodness, I was ready.  I spent the morning "deep" cleaning the house.  And I use the term "deep" quite loosely.

Quite.

I even got a big pile ready for the dump.   Because we are classy and haul our own garbage everywhere, didn't you know?  To be boastful, I even called my husband and asked him if he needed me to take anything to the dump for him, the helpmeet that I clearly am.

So I loaded up four children, 3 piles for the dump, and one pair of (gasp) broken glasses.

Our first stop was the Optical Shop.  And I would like you all to know that as soon as we walked in, they smiled and cheerfully said in unison:
"Look!  It's the Maliblahblahs!"

But they don't really call us the Maliblahblahs.  I'm not that weird.  They fixed Handsome Dude's glasses with nary a scowl on their faces.  We ordered Sweet Pea some new glasses while we were there because her prescription changed and the doctor is obviously under the impression that we are made of money and our glasses budget runneth over.

Then we went to Costco, along with everyone else in the world.  The children did great, I kid you not, and we made it out of there in record time and for under $50, which is a feat in and of itself.

Of course, when I got back to the rig, I noticed I completely forgot to go to the dump.  Which was unfortunate since the back of the rig was loaded with dump stuff and I was doing my big fat shopping day.

I had all the food ads with me and was going to try and go to all the different stores and get the good deals.

But I am 30 now and way smarter than that.  I threw caution to the wind and just went to Fred Meyer and, get this, checked the boys into the F-R-E-E childcare.

Why have I not thought of this before?  I ask you?

Oh, it was glorious.

And the best part?  When I picked the boys up, the lady, of whom Little Dude called "he" the entire time, told me they were "extremely well-behaved."  AND I should "bring them again sometime."

?

It was a Christmas miracle.  I kid you not.

So, I headed home, promising myself that I would remember to stop off at one of the MANY refuse stations on the way home.

But I forgot.

So now, I have stinky garbage in the rig.  And it shall stay there for two whole days.  I am such a helpful wife, aren't I?

Happy Thursday!

Don't Mind if I Do!

So, David and I were helping in children's ministry last Friday night.  And, believe it or not, my husband, David Maliblahblah, is super energetic when thrust on stage and given a microphone and a captive audience of 5-8 year olds.

My husband?  Lively and dynamic?

Who knew?!

I have a lot of fun helping out with Mr. Microphone on Friday nights.  And apparently the kids love him, too.  There was this one little girl who would not stop talking to me all night.  We'll call her "Besides," because that is how she started every single sentence.

"Besides, I have a story."

"Besides, can I sing you a song?"

"Besides, I need a drink of water."

"Besides, how OLD are you?"

Little Miss "Besides" came up to me.

"Besides":  Besides, hey!  Do you see that boy?  That big boy?

She was pointing to David.

Me:  Yes.

"Besides":  Besides, come here.  Besides.  I need to whisper you a secret.

Me:  Ok.

"Besides" (whiper-shouting):  I HAVE A CRUSH ON THAT BOY-MAN.  DON'T TELL ANYONE!

My husband.  The heartbreaker that is clearly is.

Moving on.

After church, we surprised our kids with a special treat.  In the town that we USED to live in, there is a huge display of Christmas lights and a hotel that serves delightful desserts.

Desserts such as this one, my friends.

The Butterfinger Sundae.

And is it Sundae or Sunday?  Writing "sundae" makes me feel pretentious and like I DON'T live in a hillbilly-redneck-world.

Sundae it is.

The kids were tickled and delighted and all that jazz.

Downtown is so pretty this time of year.  We found it humorous, albeit annoying, that our old house, of which we still PAY FOR, sits about 1/2 a mile away from The Butterfinger Sundae and glorious city life.

On Saturday, David and I dropped off all the kids with my parents (Holla!) and went to David's work Christmas party.  Which was fine and glorious and David, in the spirit of all things farm and ranch-y, broke out a brand-spanking new pair of Carhartts to dazzle me with.

And dazzled I was.

Next, we went to the hotel to redeem our free night's stay!  WooHoo!  Included with our stay was a voucher to eat at their restaurant.  So we went to eat MORE food at 10 at NIGHT, which is completely reckless behavior for us 30 year olds.  On Sunday, we spent the entire day shopping and David did not complain once and was even a good participatory shopper.

He even purchased us festive lattes.  It was a day that I will treasure in my heart forever.

And now, I am home enjoying Christmas break and not schooling the children.  The power just went out and I am angry at myself for not brewing coffee earlier.  Such is life.  I am frivolously wasting the battery on my computer and phone to bring you this rubbish.  Be honored.

I had a bit of a frustrating morning.  I received two very large bills totaling about $300 from the eye doctor for Sweet Pea and Little Dude.  I loathe calling doctor's offices for insurance questions, but I put on my big girl panties and gave them a ring, because something didn't seem right.

It was a good thing I did, too, because they realized they had made a mistake and we owe another $100 for Handsome Dude.

Because calling doctor's offices to encourage them to find out how much more they can charge me is what I do best.

While I was on the phone increasing my bill, I had locked the bedroom door to keep the dudes at bay.

Meanwhile the dudes got into a tiff and Little Dude, gasp, broke Handsome Dude's glasses.

So that was a pretty expensive phone call.  Yes, it was.

To cheer myself up, I resorted to looking at humorous things on The Pinterest.

And now I shall share them with you.  Because I aim to please.

For the Facebookers:

For the bloggers:

(source)

For the Pinners:

For the Wives of Men Who Love To Camp:

(source)

For the Teachers:

(Source)

Oh!  The power just came back on!  I am off to make some coffee!

Later, Dudes.

Come and get me, Cowboy!

We had our First Annual Home School Christmas Party last night.

Yes!  The boy has frosting all over his pajamas!  I'm glad you noticed.

Yes!  Little Dude has a drizzle of Tootsie Roll drool down his shirt!  I'm glad you noticed.  You also might notice our tree looks a bit more reasonable.  This is because David trimmed it.  What a man!

Fun Fact:  Little Dude has started to lick me instead of kiss me.  It is quite nasty.  Quite.

So.  You might be wondering what one does for a homeschool Christmas party?  It is pretty much kinda lame.  But whatever.  We made cut out cookies.

I LOATHE MAKING CUT OUT COOKIES.  Turns out I'm not as fun and easy-going as one might imagine.

It's just so messy and it is SO MUCH WORK and this kids want to help and usually by 4:30 in the afternoon, I just want them to GO AWAY.  Turns out I'm not as fun and easy-going as one might imagine.

Little Dude, thoroughly confused as usual, kept wanting to put the Christmas tree cookie on the Christmas tree?

So.  We made cookies.  David came home and wondered why we were having a Christmas party.  And I may or may not have snapped "Because it's FUN!"  We ate dinner and only one drink was spilled, so that's progress.  We watched the Jim Carrey "Christmas Carol," which was an epic mistake on my part.  For it is WEE SCARY.

And that was our night.  It was merry.

We need to do a couple of COWS.  I think instead of Comment of the Week, I should call it Comment of Whenever-I-Remember to do it.

Today we shall do two, because two were nominated by you.  Yes, you.  The readers.

COW #1:

This one goes to Melissa K.  It is her response to my story about my NAKED boys chasing each other around the house shouting:

"Come and get me, Cowboy!"

I think that last conversation actually took place between you and LJ, and you just changed the names to protect the not-so-innocent…

I don't even know how to respond to that.   No!  I do not chase my husband around the house sans clothes shouting about cowboys.  My dad reads this blog you know.

My

DAD.

Everyone say "Hi, Grant!"  For that is his name. 

COW #2:  This one goes to Leanna and she is referring to my girls' new rabbit and its dumb name, Independent.

I like Independents name. So long as it doesn’t turn into Codependent you’ll be doing alright, Mama.

Honestly, I don't really get it.  Because I am 30 and not privy to humor anymore.  But Sister Meagan, still living it up in her 20's informed me that it was, in fact, hilarious, and should be a COW.

So there you go.

Alright.  I must go tend to the laundry.  Laundry will be the death of me, I assure you.  When will it end?!  My husband will be bursting through the door any moment and we must rush to get the children out the door for the church services.  Of which we will be late for.

First, Sir Lumberjack must gear up and go outside and do all his farm and ranch chores.  Because, have you met him?  He is odd and has created a ranch lifestyle for himself.  I will need to change my clothes and scold myself for not exercising more.  All of the children will be dumbfounded when we ask them where their shoes are, and let's not even get started on Bibles.

Where do they GO?

And someone will be missing a coat.

Oh!  And good news!  David and I, the dymanic couple that we are, volunteer in the K-2nd room at church.

I am the worship leader and David is the energetic announcer-man.

It's true, it's true.

So.  If you go to my church, and you know who you are, you might want to consider helping at the Friday night 7 service.

Do it for the children.

The children who are not sure as to why I am leading them in songs of praise with a microphone.

That's right.  A MICROPHONE.

  The children are hilarious.

Child:  How OLD are you?

Me:  Guess.

Child:  Um . . . 87?

Me:  NO!

Child:  Ha!  Sorry!  I meant 9.

That's more like it, missy.

Later, Gators.