Well.
It's time you knew the truth . . . the truth about my weight-loss curse.
I shall present it to you in a handy, 12-step plan.
Step 1-Lose 2-3 pounds just by watching what I eat-not by exercising. For I loathe to exercise.
Step 2- Bask in my awesomeness
Step 3- Decide that since I am so awesome and losing weight, I no longer need to pay attention to what I eat
Step 4- Continue to loathe exercise.
Step 5- Better bake something . . . you know . . . since I am not exercising and all
Step 6-Notice the jeans that were slightly too tight are, eerily, still slightly too tight
Step 7-Continue to loathe exercise
Step 8-Start homeschooling, hereby rendering me no time to exercise
Step 9-Fail to see that I had time to bake, so I probably had time to exercise
Step 10-Don't forget to loathe exercise!
Step 11-Decide I have put the 2-3 pounds back on
Step 12-Pretend none of it matters
*sigh*
Herein lies my problem: I don't like to exercise.
But we'll worry about that another day.
Let's focus on this weeks wins and fails, shall we?
My scale is not working at the moment in time, so I don't actually know what I weigh
Convenient Win!
I know enough to know that I am not losing weight
Reality Fail!
I seriously have no desire to make exercise a part of my day
Slothful win! Swimsuit fail!
I drink skim milk now all the time.
Win!
I only drink coffee creamer half the time. Well. I think I skipped it twice. But we'll call it half.
Imaginative Win!
I did, in fact, exercise yesterday.
Gasp!
I started a 3-mile walking DVD. But I stopped it just before 2 miles.
Win/Fail
Ok. I probably walked 1 1/2 miles, but "almost 2" sounds so much more ambitious.
Fail
I asked my husband if I looked like I was 29. He said "Yes, because you wear sweaters."
Lumberjack Fail!
I am still wearing sweaters.
Women's Movement Win! Youthful Fail.
People told me yesterday I looked like "Pirate Barbie."
Ego win!
I then had to face the truth that Barbie never had a muffin top.
Fail!
Not that I have a muffin top.
Lie!
Raise your hand if you don't know what a muffin top is.
Lest any of you are confused, Lumberjill looketh not like a Barbie.
Far
Far
Far
From it.
Alright.
So . . . here's to starting over!
Right?
Right?
Who's with me?
There's always tomorrow Lumberjill! Each day is a fresh start!
ReplyDeleteMuffin top: What my ring finger gets when I wear my wedding ring because it's too small.
ReplyDeleteYou are hilarious! Very, very funny post!
Now, I've never heard of a walking DVD, but I'm not sure it counts as exercise if it's the DVD that's walking and not you.
ReplyDeleteand yes, you do look like Barbie. Only wholesome and real and healthy. =)
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. I found out about two months ago that I have a thyorid problem. So I now take a pill everyday. I lost 8 pounds in like 3 weeks of being on the meds. I was so excited, I decided to eat whatever I want because it's not gonna matter anymore. Guess what I found the 8lbs I lost & prob more, but I'm not getting on the scale to find out.
ReplyDeleteHappy fat Tues!
As an obsessive weigher I refuse to participate in fat tuesday...I have enough self loathing and self flagellation without sharing it with the entire blogosphere...No, I'd much rather share stories about driving the tractor and spitting out windows!
ReplyDeleteMy sweater and I are in the depths of depression to find out we are old...
ReplyDeleteMy daughter was Pirate Barbie for Halloween when she was 3! Apparently it's okay to combine costumes/ideas when you are 3. I wish I had a picture on this computer so I could show you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know (and loathe my own) what a muffin top is. :-(
This made me laugh! Dan (my husband) was sitting beside me so I read it out loud to him. He was smiling the whole time. He knows that I am too much like you... LOL. :-)
ReplyDeleteTomorrow is a new day. We can do it, can't we?
I stand on my proposal to a new name:
ReplyDeleteTighten up Tuesday
Toned Up Tuesday
Totally Not thinking about Exercise, but wishing to be Toned Tuesday.
The End
Perhaps this is not the post to remark that I started the Atkins diet a week and a half ago. I've lost 8 pounds, I'm never hungry, and I don't exercise, although I know I will have to eventually. Win for me. I still have so much more to lose that it's embarrassing to actually say. SO I'm not saying it.
ReplyDeleteThis is me - minus the actual walking and homeschooling. I don't do either of them:)
ReplyDeleteI promise, promise, promise I will be back in the game next week. I didn't even post as today was Little Guy's first day of preschool. It was traumatic and took me all day to recover. I will post about that tomorrow:)
Yay for starting over!!
ReplyDeletein the spirit of positive reinforcement, I concur!
ReplyDeleteI counted more wins than fails... that has to count for something!
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up! (Which is great, but also a bit not so great considering I am at work while reading this!)
ReplyDeleteI fianlly went back to WW this week after a 3 month "vacation"...surprised myself, I was down 1.8! Now I am serious! Well, serious as far as food. I too despise to excercise. So, for now, I will plod on through tracking and point counting. That should be considered a workout in itself!
I too loathe excercise and in fact should be doing that very thing instead of blogging. I'm thinking about it though so that should count for something, right?
ReplyDeleteI'm not baking-win.
My birthday is on Saturday and there better be cake. Or at least something chocolate-win (hey, it's my birthday!)
I am not going to ask my hubs if I look my age. It is not 29 btw. -fail
Have a great day...pretty sure you'll have to put some sort of phys ed into your homeschool day at some point. Jump rope? I cannot jump rope for the same reason I cannot do jumping jacks but hey, you're 29 so maybe you still can.
I know people who exercise. They are always complaining about strained muscles and pulled tendons and such which leads me to believe that exercising can't actually be all that good for you.
ReplyDeleteAnd sweaters are a good thing. Why are you taking fashion advice from a man who wears Carharts?
I'm feeling compelled to leave a comment, but I have absolutely no tidbits of wisdom to offer. I quit going to the gym the 1st of June because I took a cut in pay and decided I could no longer afford it. Alas, it felt SOOOOOO good not to HAVE to work out! My elation backfired and I now know what a double-decker muffin top is cuz I see it every time I look in the mirror. Dang it! Why can't I be one of those people who absolutely THRIVE on exercise and eating good nutrition???? I'm thinking it's because those kinds of people really don't exist - they are simply from another planet or something, but they aren't for real...............and so girlfriend, I FEEL YOUR PAIN! And once again I am faced with losing all of this fluffyness that sits upon my belly.
ReplyDeleteTaylor, when are you going to brake down & buy yourself a new scale?? You can write a whole blog entry on the woes that darn thing has given you ; )
ReplyDeleteMe, other the other hand, have a love / hate realationship with my scale & currently, it is my worst enemy! I love being pregnant, but I hate seeing the scale go up, instead of staying the same or going down, every time I get on it : ( It will continue to stay that way for the next 4 months, but then watch out! I'll be partaking in Fat Tuesdays with the rest of you : )
Ha, too funny. But who was it...um...Edison? The dude who tried over 100 times to invent the lightbulb before he was successful? Failure is only another stepping point to success.
ReplyDelete...hmmm...yes. I just baked peanut butter cookies. Do not listen to me.
OK, this is top secret...no locals around my neck of the woods are allowed to know this..per hubby's instructions. (Yes, my husband has forbidden me to blog or Facebook this info, but I shall share it here.) We sold the well drill. They came and got it on Saturday, it is going to Nigeria. Apparently they are in dire need of wells over there. In fact one company told hubby that in the past year they have exported 75 well drills over to Africa. So that's the big, juicy news from Dairy Daze. Woo hoo.
Keeping up a home, shop, school, a rental property, laundry, and running around after four children is probably exercise enough unless you're eating a pan of brownies every day.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing great.
i'm with ya girly!! i am now down 9 pounds in two weeks today!! =) WIN!!! i wish it was 19 , though!! but i am on my way....are we linking up?? was gonna use my turkey burger recipe i posted yesterday...they are so Yummy!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis blog illustrates why 'Fat Tuesday' is such an apropos moniker. (hooray 2 pts for me for using moniker) :)
ReplyDelete