Like a Boss

On Friday, my dearheart friend Amanda and her offspring came to visit us.  It was a gorgeous day and we banished all the children outside.  Yes . . . after about two hours we were met with some resistance by the aforementioned children, but Amanda and I held our ground, drank coffee, and kept closing the door on their sweet, protesting faces.

Don't feel bad for them.  It was sunny and 63 degrees.  We won't see that kind of weather again in these here parts until the end of June.

As we were chatting, I mentioned the dudes were spending Friday and Saturday night with David's parents.

Amanda:  What are you doing with the girls?

Me:  Nothing.

Amanda (looking at me as if I were an insane, crazy person):  Why not?

Me:  Well, we have no plans.  We will probably just work outside.

Amanda:  So what?  A weekend without kids?!  Are you kidding me?

I just shrugged and went back to closing the door on my pleading children.  But then I got to thinking about just how BRILLIANT Amanda truly is.  I called my mother right then and there to pawn off the girls and BAM! I scored a weekend without children.

I KNOW!  I could barely believe my good fortune.

Next we went to church.  You might recall, dear readers, that David and I help out teaching elementary kids.  You might also recall that David is considered THE heartthrob to some of the ladies in the class.

Little Girl to me:  You see that man over there?  With the microphone?

(She was pointing to David)

Me:  Yes?

Little Girl:  I'm gonna go spank his bottom!

Me:  No.  You should not do that, sweetie.

Stay tuned when next week I shall make my debut speech to the children entitled:

Things We Should Not Ever Do in Church, or  . . . EVER.

I am the worship leader.  I stand on a stage and everything.  Please do not tell me I should try out for American Idol or anything.  I have heard it so much, it is, quite frankly, getting old.

We had to do this one song called "Get Down."  The words go something like:

I get down, and He lifts me up.  I get down, and He lifts me up . . .

Now.  At some point in our church's existence, somebody came up with the motions that all us "worship leaders" must do when we are "leading worship."  This song requires that I, said worship leader, bend all the way down to the ground that then quickly jump up.  This motion must be repeated 4.2 million times in order to adequately lead the worship.

I discovered something about myself that night:

I have no quad muscles.

I did at one point in my youth.  But apparently, they are gone, because it is Sunday and if I even have to bend to sit in the chair to stare at Pinterest on the computer, my legs BURN.

Let's move on.

There is a new Facebook group in our area where people can buy/sell things.  It is kind of like Craigslist, and actually, I have no idea how it is any different, but there are some pretty cool things on there.  David and I have been talking about getting an extra fridge for our garage.  Our kids go through a lot of milk and we will need a place to store our future eggs from our future chickens, because have you heard?

We are hillbillies.

So, a gal was selling a fridge on this Facebook group and only wanted $20 for it.  I, being the good Maliblahblah that I am, looked around on Craigslist and could find no fridge even close to $20, so I called my husband post haste.

I ain't gonna lie.  He was proud of me and my frugal ways.

I was to arrange all the arrangements with the gal and HIS ONE JOB was to find a handtruck.

Oh, and drive the truck, load the fridge, strap the fridge in, and unload the fridge.  But the MAIN job was to find the handtruck.  Because, dear readers, my husband thinks I am stronger than I am.  And every time we have to move something, he assures me I am strong enough and alas, I am not, and then he gets mad and doesn't talk to me and does it himself and we have to be perturbed with each other for like 4 hours all because HE DOESN'T FIND THINGS LIKE HANDTRUCKS.  Or able-bodied men.

So, we are driving the truck to church so that after church we can pick up this fridge and guess what David did not get?

A handtruck.  And, no.  I don't really know what a handtruck is.  So don't ask me.

So, the plan, according to this gal on Facebook, was for us to go to this vacant house with no power at 9pm and pick up the fridge and then drive by her house about 10 minutes away and give her the cash.  Which was not shady at all.

Thankfully, Jack and Lisa, our kin, met us at the vacant house where we were doing anything but breaking and entering, and helped us load the fridge.

And when I said "us" I, of course, meant helped David.  I just held the flashlight.

The problem was that when we got home, it would be just David and I to unload the fridge.  So, basically, it would be the end of our marriage.  Which is unfortunate.

On our kidless Saturday morning, we got right to our chores.  Wood cutting/Wood Stacking/Tree Trimming/Brush Clearing and all that fun stuff.

David was trimming trees

And I was trying to convince him that he should probably wear a helmet.

My job was to move the branches into a huge burn pile.  And, yes, burn piles are legal here, so simmer down.

These branches are huge.  Like small trees.  I was having quite the time of it, especially with my sore, worship-leader legs.

I asked David if there was an easier way.  And yes there was.

I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah learned how to drive a bulldozer.

Look!  That's me!

Clearing brush like a boss.

I am happy to report that:

A)  I did not break anything

B)  David did not fall out of a tree

C)  David moved the fridge all by himself and we our marriage did not dissipate as a result of it

D)  My legs STILL hurt

E)  I miss my kids.

Happy Sunday!