The Wood that The Lumberjack Fell.

This is the wood that The Lumberjack fell.

This is the splitter that helped split the wood that The Lumberjack fell.

This is wife with the Jell-O arms that helped stack logs that the log splitter split from the wood that The Lumberjack fell.

This is the house where the wood was stacked.  "It's way too much!", the little wife laughed. She laughed cause her arms felt so much like Jell-o, because she helped stack the logs that the log splitter split from the wood that The Lumberjack fell.

This is The Lumberjack who loves his split wood.  He could care less how his little wife laughed, nor for her Jell-O arms from the wood that she stacked.  She helped stack the logs that the log splitter split from the wood that The Lumberjack fell.

This is the new house the family just moved in, it has not a wood stove for wood rounds to burn in. But, The Lumberjack loves his split wood.  He could care less how his little wife laughed, nor for her Jell-O arms from the wood that she stacked.  She helped stack the logs that the log splitter split from the wood that The Lumberjack fell.

This is the family that had to load wood.  They hauled till midnight, it was no good.  They moved the wood from the old house with the wood stove, moving it to the new house they just moved in, it has not a wood stove for wood rounds to burn in. But again, the Lumberjack loves his split wood.  He could care less how his little wife laughed, nor for her Jell-O arms from the wood that she stacked.  She helped stack the logs that the log splitter split from the wood that The Lumberjack fell.

This is the trailer where they loaded the wood.  The family hauled till midnight, it was no good. They moved the wood to the new house they just moved in, it has not a wood stove for wood rounds to burn in. But again, the Lumberjack loves his split wood.  He could care less how his little wife laughed, nor for her Jell-O arms from the wood that she stacked.  She helped stack the logs that the log splitter split from the wood that The Lumberjack fell.

This is the truck that also was loaded.  It pulled the trailer that was loaded with wood.  The family hauled till midnight, it was no good. They moved the wood to the new house they just moved in, it has not a wood stove for wood rounds to burn in. But again, the Lumberjack loves his split wood.  He could care less how his little wife laughed, nor for her Jell-O arms from the wood that she stacked.  She helped stack the logs that the log splitter split from the wood that The Lumberjack fell.

This is the pile of wood that they salvaged.  Their hearts are discouraged, for more wood must gathered. 

The wife is confused, for they can't burn wood. 

 But her husband is . . . enthusiastic about wood felling, and where his passion will stop, well,  there is no telling. 

So again she will load the truck with wood that he split.  The truck and the trailer will be loaded with more wood. The family hauled till midnight, it was no good. They moved the wood to the new house they just moved in, it has not a wood stove for wood rounds to burn in. But again, the Lumberjack loves his split wood.  He could care less how his little wife laughed, nor for her Jell-O arms from the wood that she stacked.  She helped stack the logs that the log splitter split from the wood that The Lumberjack fell.

The End.

PS-Basically, this was just a really odd way for me to tell you that we were up super late last night moving wood from our old house to our new house.

Thanks for humoring me.

I have decided that here are the options for what his reasoning was behind moving the wood:

1)  He is insane.

2)  He likes to look at the wood and deems it a lovely outdoor decor accessory

3)  He is planning on selling the wood.

4)  He is planning on putting a wood stove in the new house.

Let us have a moment to pray that option #4 will never happen.

 

Happy Thursday!

Dear Lumberjack . . .

 

Dear Lumberjack,

I would like to submit a complaint. I have heard rumors of people who use these contraptions to heat their homes:

Apparently, all you need to do is turn the knob and the house will magically heat itself.

If the weather outside is frightful, no worries.

This little unit is so smart, it will work even harder to keep us nice and cozy.

Were you not aware of this, Lumberjack?

Because that would mean that this:

is completely unnecessary.

And if that is the case, then we would no longer need to feed and fuel this hungry beast around the clock from October through May.

We would also not need to put the kettle on and keep that full round the clock.

If that beast was not in our home, perhaps we could have room for that massage chair you have always wanted.

 

And if we did not need to heat with wood, and used that cute, clean little unit thingie, then our kids would not be left unattended while you split wood and I stacked the wood.

And our baby would not be covered in fudgesicle goo and screaming because he was abandoned in a dirty exersaucer in the backyard.

And speaking of the backyard, have you seen ours lately?

This is what it looks like when four children are left unattended while the adults sweat and slave away to prepare wood for winter, like prairie folk.

I am not cut out for this kind of life.

This is hard work.

I know you have fantasies of being a lumberjack and all, but I do not share in this passion.

 I got splinters in my pinky fingers and ankles.

I got wood chippings in my eyes three times.

I had to sneak away and take two Aleeve because my body was killing me.

I am pretty sure out of all of my friends, I am the only one who has a 4 wheeler and log splitter set up in her backyard.

I do not suspect that they are jealous.

After all our hard work, there is still more to split.

And I know you are planning on going to get more, you wood glutton, you.

But just think of the pros:

 If we did not heat with wood heat, we would not need a wood splitter, truck, cables, chain saws, axes, splitting mauls, and a CB radio.

We would not need to worry about the pipes freezing if the fire dies out.

 I would not be late everywhere I go because

 a) I forgot to load the fire

 b) I overestimated the size of the log and cannot close the wood stove door

c) I unknowingly got sap all over my hands and ran my fingers through my hair, bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase "bad hair day"

d) I accidentally let the fire die and I must go gather twigs in the yard because I am not strong enough to split kindling.

If we did not heat with wood heat, we would not have to worry about our youngins eating bark and wood chips off the floor.

You would not have to wake up at 4am to go fall a tree and be a lumberjack.

And, finally,  we would not need to wonder what on earth Handsome Dude got all over his shorts tonight while he was left unattended.

Love,

Your Lumberjill

***

Disclaimer:  This is a an old post from August 11, 2009, and is dedicated to my Auntie Datenutloaf who loves it, yet can never find it.

Lumberjill is feeling antsy, worried and blue today . . . this post makes her smile.

Tell me, dear readers . . .

What do you do to help yourself get out of a funk?

***

 

PS-To this day, I still don't know what was on Handsome Dude's shorts.

Grossness.

PPS-My pleas and protests fell upon silent ears . . . we still heat with wood.

PPPS-As long as the stars shine down from the heavens, long as the rivers run to the sea (name that song) . . . my husband will always have a hankering to fall trees.

PPPPS- Is this PS getting excessive? 

PPPPPS- Please notice that this post is single spaced, not double spaced.

PPPPPPS-I have no idea how any of this happens.  I just type a bunch of foolishness out and hit publish.  The formatting has a mind of its own.  Except for centering.

PPPPPPS- I heart centering.  And I don't care who knows it.

 

Happy Tuesday!

Terror.

It has been too long.

 Uncle Alex has been away for too long.

My kids were not used to all the roaring and tickling and roaring and teasing and roaring and chasing.

So instead of a fun, silly uncle . . . he is now a huge, scary monster.

It's a shame, really.

Look at what was ironically on the computer screen at the time.

Very interesting . . .

Yes.

It does take guts to be a part of this family.

Handsome Dude does not yet have the required guts.

Poor Handsome Dude.

Poor Daisy Mae.

Although, I think she was secretly having fun.

Dear Daisy Mae,

Why are you wearing a dress with jeans?

Love,

Mom.

Poor Sweet Pea.

Speaking of Sweet Pea . . . look at what she made with her new sewing machine:

Pajamas for her doll.

She made them with help from Grandma, of course.

For I know not how to even sew buttons on.

We had a lovely evening.

It was nice to see Alex again.

And once the kids' heart rates returned to normal and they recognized their fun uncle, they were happy to see him, too.

Now this is typical of family events.

Random weapons.

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can name the weapon.

Personally, I have no idea, so I will have to take this one to the Lumberjack later on.

I am going with a light saber.

Or some sort of sword?

"Taylor.  Stop.  Are you going to put this in your blog?"

Well . . . Lumberjack . . . you kind of set yourself up when you are sitting next to a picture of John Wayne and holding what appears to be a light saber at a family gathering.

I mean, really.

What else can I do?

It is my duty to share the insanity.

"Blog?  What's a blog?  Oh, yeah.  Your blog.  I don't read it.  I don't have time for that stuff."

Good.

Then I can talk about you all the more, silly father-in-law.

And with that, I will conclude this family gathering recap.

Happy Sunday everyone!

P.S.-Everyone liked the Potatoes

P.P.S-Everyone like the Carrots.

Thanks, Dad!

I guess you weren't trying to sabotage me after all.

 

The Lumberjack Changes a Diaper.

So . . . last night the Lumberjack was playing around with Handsome Dude.

Usually this involves the Lumberjack taking Handsome Dude by the pants and twirling him all around.

Twirling, spinning, flying . . . you know . . . the usual.

And all this fun pants twirling resulted in a torn diaper for Handsome Dude.

I pointed this out to the Lumberjack who took care of things and put Handsome Dude to bed.

And this is what I discovered this morning when I attempted to tackle Handsome Dude's morning diaper:

Yes.

Perfect.

The Lumberjack got his giant, economy sized roll of blue painter's tape and just taped the diaper.

Interruption:  Can we not all agree that morning diapers are just about the worst thing in the world?

Yes. 

This is, in fact, the same blue tape that he used to wrap the Christmas present.

Perhaps the blue tape should be confiscated from the Lumberjack.

What was my Lumberjack thinking?

This is the man I chose to father my children.

I can only blame myself.

I am linking up at Finer Things today.

I suppose I should just be thankful that I have a husband who loves our kids, plays with them, and yes, even changes diapers!

The Lumberjack takes some Pictures

My Lumberjack.

Oh, how I love him.

But sometimes . . . sometimes he does things just to irk me.

Does anyone else have a husband like that?

Well, my husband thinks it is hysterical to take horribly unflattering pictures of me.

Then he shows me said pictures.

Then he laughs and laughs and says,

"You look so stupid!"

So, in honor of my husband, I would like to present a photo collage featuring some of his best captures of yours truly.

And what better way to present these horrific photos than to add words from one of my favorite songs.

Enjoy.

P.S.-Name that artist

P.P.S-Notice how I am not making any of these pictures large-sized for you.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife.

Go for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Don't let your friends tell ya you have no taste
go ahead and marry anyway

Her face is ugly her eyes don't match

take it from me she's a better catch

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife

Go for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Dude 1:say man
Dude 2:hey man
Dude 1: I saw your wife the other day

Dude 2: Yeah
Dude 1: Yeah and Shes Ugly
Dude 2: Yeah shes Ugly but she sure can cook baby.

Dude 1: Yeah

P.P.P.S-I can't really cook either.

Good thing I have a sweet daughter like Daisy Mae to occasionally snap a picture of me . . .

otherwise I might have to feel self-conscious.

That Lumberjack.

He's grounded from the camera.

P.P.P.P.S-If you have never heard this song, click here to hear it.

The Lumberjack Wraps a Christmas Present.

But, by golly, he knows how to build me a house.

So, it's all good.

Besides, we can always hide that one behind the others.

And now for some Christmas trivia:

1)  In what Christmas movie did a boy want a Red Rider BB gun for Christmas?

2)  What is the name of Bing Crosby's character in White Christmas?

3)  How many wisemen came to visit Jesus?

4)  Who was the mother of John the Baptist?

5)  In which books of the Bible will you find the story of the birth of Christ?

Happy Sunday!

The Lumberjack goes grocery shopping.

Well . . . I suppose it is not technically grocery shopping.

The Lumberjack came in contact with a guy who had a cow.

And that cow needed to be butchered.

So, the Lumberjack offered to buy the whole cow and help butcher it.

The cow needed to go.

We had a freezer.

The Lumberjack loves to kill things.

See?

Win-win-win.

This is the ground beef/beef stew meat row.

This is the roasts row.

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me what the heck is an arm roast and what I should do with an arm roast.

Is that like, the cow's arm?

Gross.

And that top row is the steaks row.

So . . . yeah . . .

Um . . . guess what we are having for dinner tonight?

And guess what we are having two weeks from Tuesday?

And guess what we are having on April 22nd?

Beef.

I told my Lumberjack that he should have bought a whole chicken instead of a whole cow, since all I cook with is chicken.

Then he gave me that "Gosh you are so stupid" look like he always does and said,

"Yeah, whatever, hon."

So . . . .

I think I need some beef recipes.

Help, please.