Dear Lumberjack . . .

 

Dear Lumberjack,

I would like to submit a complaint. I have heard rumors of people who use these contraptions to heat their homes:

Apparently, all you need to do is turn the knob and the house will magically heat itself.

If the weather outside is frightful, no worries.

This little unit is so smart, it will work even harder to keep us nice and cozy.

Were you not aware of this, Lumberjack?

Because that would mean that this:

is completely unnecessary.

And if that is the case, then we would no longer need to feed and fuel this hungry beast around the clock from October through May.

We would also not need to put the kettle on and keep that full round the clock.

If that beast was not in our home, perhaps we could have room for that massage chair you have always wanted.

 

And if we did not need to heat with wood, and used that cute, clean little unit thingie, then our kids would not be left unattended while you split wood and I stacked the wood.

And our baby would not be covered in fudgesicle goo and screaming because he was abandoned in a dirty exersaucer in the backyard.

And speaking of the backyard, have you seen ours lately?

This is what it looks like when four children are left unattended while the adults sweat and slave away to prepare wood for winter, like prairie folk.

I am not cut out for this kind of life.

This is hard work.

I know you have fantasies of being a lumberjack and all, but I do not share in this passion.

 I got splinters in my pinky fingers and ankles.

I got wood chippings in my eyes three times.

I had to sneak away and take two Aleeve because my body was killing me.

I am pretty sure out of all of my friends, I am the only one who has a 4 wheeler and log splitter set up in her backyard.

I do not suspect that they are jealous.

After all our hard work, there is still more to split.

And I know you are planning on going to get more, you wood glutton, you.

But just think of the pros:

 If we did not heat with wood heat, we would not need a wood splitter, truck, cables, chain saws, axes, splitting mauls, and a CB radio.

We would not need to worry about the pipes freezing if the fire dies out.

 I would not be late everywhere I go because

 a) I forgot to load the fire

 b) I overestimated the size of the log and cannot close the wood stove door

c) I unknowingly got sap all over my hands and ran my fingers through my hair, bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase "bad hair day"

d) I accidentally let the fire die and I must go gather twigs in the yard because I am not strong enough to split kindling.

If we did not heat with wood heat, we would not have to worry about our youngins eating bark and wood chips off the floor.

You would not have to wake up at 4am to go fall a tree and be a lumberjack.

And, finally,  we would not need to wonder what on earth Handsome Dude got all over his shorts tonight while he was left unattended.

Love,

Your Lumberjill

***

Disclaimer:  This is a an old post from August 11, 2009, and is dedicated to my Auntie Datenutloaf who loves it, yet can never find it.

Lumberjill is feeling antsy, worried and blue today . . . this post makes her smile.

Tell me, dear readers . . .

What do you do to help yourself get out of a funk?

***

 

PS-To this day, I still don't know what was on Handsome Dude's shorts.

Grossness.

PPS-My pleas and protests fell upon silent ears . . . we still heat with wood.

PPPS-As long as the stars shine down from the heavens, long as the rivers run to the sea (name that song) . . . my husband will always have a hankering to fall trees.

PPPPS- Is this PS getting excessive? 

PPPPPS- Please notice that this post is single spaced, not double spaced.

PPPPPPS-I have no idea how any of this happens.  I just type a bunch of foolishness out and hit publish.  The formatting has a mind of its own.  Except for centering.

PPPPPPS- I heart centering.  And I don't care who knows it.

 

Happy Tuesday!