Not me! Valentine's Edition.

Alright, dudes and dudettes.

This is my 3rd attempt at Not me! Monday.

I was encouraged because I only got confused about 3 times while writing this post . . . . as opposed to being confused the entire time.

Let me know what you think!

***

I did not eat a double cheeseburger yesterday and tell myself it was my only option (actually, it was the best deal).

I did not tell myself it was low in points.

I did not tip a barista an extra dollar after I realized he hadn't noticed me put the first dollar in his tip jar.

I did not want to make sure he saw me tip him.

Nope.

Not me.

I would never tip $2 just to save my good name.

I do not secretly think it is RIDICULOUS to tip $1, let alone $2 on something that cost $3.

I do not secretly think that Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" is a catchy tune.

I do not admit that when I heard the lyrics I was shocked and  appalled.

I do not feel sad that I cannot listen to this song anymore.

Interruption: 

Normally I would not know who people such as Lady Gaga are.

For I live in a world where people enjoy the singing talents of Barney, the big purple dinosaur, and Meryle Haggard.

However . . .

One night, the Lumberjack and I were watching a show called Parks and Recreation.

And the main character, Leslie Knope had this Poker Face song stuck in her head.

Which, in turn, got stuck in my head.

And, on another completely unrelated note, my brother-in-law, Jason, thinks that I am just like Ms. Leslie Knope.

(Name that actress)

Boo, Jason.

Boo.

Ok. 

Back to the Not Me! post.

I do not watch and enjoy American Idol.

And I have never sang my prettiest in the shower, wondering if maybe I could ever be on that show?

No.

Not me.

I did not get just a little annoyed at my husband on Valentine's Day.

Why, you ask?

I'll tell you.

My husband did not tell me we were not getting each other Valentine's Day gifts only to get me a Valentine's gift.

(Confused?  I sure am)

I did not get embarrassed and say, "You dork!  I didn't get you anything!"

I did not consider writing a quick blog post asking my cyber friends what I could quickly get him.

I did not drag my daughter along on a shopping trip for unmentionables with me out of sheer desperation and poor time management skills.

Speaking of poor time management skills, I did not get my daughter to a birthday party 30 minutes late.

Nope.

Not me.

I am always punctual.

After I came home from shopping, I started making my husband's favorite dinner.

I did not tell myself it was low in points.

As he helped me prepare the meal, we both took turns holding our 3, yes count them 3, feverish children, and we listened to his ridiculous old-time country songs.

Oh, yes.

Songs like "Pancho and Lefty."

Name that artist.

I do not secretly like "Pancho and Lefty."

But what choice do I have?

This is my life.

I did not suggest that we have a family candlelight dinner.

And Handsome Dude did not freak out because the lights weren't on and insist on getting up throughout the entire meal to turn the lights back on.

And this did not make Sweet Pea upset and make her get up throughout the entire meal and turn them back off.

And Daisy Mae did not ask 25 times how she was supposed to see her food.

And I did not secretly think it was the most romantic Valentine's Day I have ever had.

At 5am on this very morn, I did not pretend not to hear Handsome Dude coughing really hard.

So hard, in fact, that I fear he may have thrown up.

I am not admitting that I have not even checked his bedding.

He is, of course, awake.

I mean it is 6:20am.

And he does not smell funky-town, so that's a good sign.

I did not get secretly excited that all next week I will be able to sleep in.

I did not get disappointed when I realized that because my children are sick, my Valentine's Day date with my favorite man who likes to fall trees will most likely be cancelled.

No.

Not me.

I am always happy to put my kids' needs first.

I did not remind myself that I should not lose heart!

Because . . . .

I AM NOT LEAVING FOR CANCUN IN T-5 DAYS!

And, to that,  I do not say "Holla!"

The End.