I am feeling a little overwhelmed today. You will probably not get a laugh from this site today, I am sorry.
I don't think this post will make any sense, either.
And for that, I am also sorry.
Yet, here I am. Publishing it anyways.
Today is one of those days.
It is one of those days where several, random, cluttered thoughts are running through my head.
Thoughts like:
I miss my old house. This new one does not feel like home.
Am I ready to homeschool?
Why is there penmarks all over Handsome Dude's forehead?
How come my house is messy? Again?
Why is there a ziplock bag full of smashed raspberries in my diaper bag?
Why are all my walls peach?
Where are Sweet Pea's glasses?
Why are my kids growing up too fast?
Why do the days drag on?
Why do the years fly by?
Why is there pee on the toilet seat? Again?
Why? Why? Why?
I think that sometimes being a mom is pretty tough. It feels like everything you do is for the benefit of people who do not seem to notice you are doing anything at all. The days are overwhelming. The tasks seem unending and pointless.
Why pointless?
Because everything I do today will need to be done again tomorrow.
See?
Pointless.
The days seem to slowly drag on and on and on.
Yet, I feel like there is not enough time in a day.
And I feel like the years have flown by.
And I have to wonder if I am even being a good mom.
Am I loving enough? Am I patient enough? Am I fun?
Will my children have happy memories?
What will they remember?
Yes. Today is one of those days for me.
Not a good day . . . not a bad day . . . just a day.
A blah day.
It is amazing, though, the love that I feel for these children. These children can drive me absolutely insane. They can make me want to hide in the corner and suck my thumb. They can exhaust me, annoy me, frustrate me, and anger me.
And yet, my heart aches with love for them.
And this is a day where I yearn for something different . . . a change of pace . . . a challenge . . . freedom . . . something new.
Yet, I want to cling to these days.
I want to savor them . . . breathe in the smell of my children . . . remember how tiny their hands are . . . . always hear how cute their voices are . . . recall the warmth of them snuggling in my lap.
It seems like everyday is so full of life . . . full of things that must be done. I am afraid that I am so busy and I am missing out on all the blessings motherhood can bring.
Just a blah, blah, blah, blah day.
"Yes this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him"
Lamentations 3:21-24
I know those days! I am thinking about you today :-) I also think of you every time I walk into our upstairs bathroom and look at the peach walls - I have dedicated the room to you. Now you HAVE to come and visit me!!
ReplyDeleteI have been having some of those days too, Taylor. Everything just seems so "ordinary" and "blah". I have a plaque hanging in my bathroom, right by the mirror, so everyday when I wake up and stumble in there to begin my day of blahness, I see the words: "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it". Psalsms 118:24. This has always been one of my favorites, but lately, it's been what's getting me through.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, and praying your days of "blahness" become few and far between. Keep smiling and know that you make a lot of other folks smile too! Guess it's Monday:)
I'm sorry you're having a blah day. I only have one child, yet I still know the feelings you're experiencing. Sending up a prayer for my favorite bloggy friend today. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm having that kind of day also. I got the riding lawnmower stuck in a hole, in 90 degree temp and bright sunlight and neck high grass, I had to use a car jack to lift it up and push it out. My son was observing and trying to tell me what to do..."I don't need your help"!! I griped at him and then felt bad later. That just set the course for the rest of the day and it's only 1:00!! :( Tomorrow has to be better. "This is the day Yahweh has made, we will be glad and rejoice in it!
ReplyDeleteI was trying to come up with something helpful and encouraging to say.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm potty training.
And I've got nothing helpful and encouraging left.
Ah, yes, I understand the Blah day... overwhelmed, tired, walking through the same steps, day after day, thinking "Why do I do this....? Oh yeah, because of love. I love them. That's what I do." Alternately annoyed and grateful..... Because one smile or attempt tomake me laugh can wash away all the annoyance.... Keep the faith and know you are appreciated. Your blog (almost) always is good for a hilarious read. Just know that you always brighten my day. Thanks for that! Oh, PS. I bombed my diet this week and last.... my motivation seems to have left he room. I am so grateful for my coworkers and friends who support me wholeheartedly...
ReplyDeleteI SO understand and thank you for putting into words today. Makes me feel not-so-alone.
ReplyDeleteYou have given your children a happy and stable family, so many experiences to delight and learn in, and so many wonderful relatives, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, cousins to love and be loved. The fact that you even worry about it shows what a good parent you are. And everything you're feeling today is difficult to be sure, but so normal. Hope you get through it. Maybe you can go to the beach or have a scavenger hunt or something to break the blahs. Picnic? A play? Dress up? Collect leaves? Or just chill and watch them play. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI think all moms have days like this. You are totally normal and if your blog is anything to go by, you are a really great mom! You need a day or an evening off once in awhile. It's good to have a break sometimes. When our kids were little, hubby would come home after work, take one look at me and send me out the door for awhile, it works wonders. :)
ReplyDeleteah you have summed up my feelings about my oldest starting kindergarten. Does it really have to have to happen? praying your blasayness goes away and you realize you are the mom God means for you to be.
ReplyDeleteSomething all us moms share are days like your today. I have a day like that about once a month (& it usually has nothing to do with that time a month). I call it my time out day. As soon as my hubby gets home I wish him well & I get a book or turn on the TV. He brings me my dinner in bed & I DO NOT come out of my room. It's a much needed mommy time out.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are having one of those days. I think any mom that stays home with their kids understands. We all have days, moments, times like that. And your allowed days to not be funny.
ReplyDeleteWe ALL have these moments of self doubt. For that I envy men/dads. They don't seem to worry if they are a good Dad or not. They don't seem to regret having yelled at the kids. They just go about their business and don't let the doubt/fear enter their minds. Mom's aren't so much that way.
As for your new house, it will feel like home. You and your family are still putting your stamp on it. In no time at all I think you will wonder how you ever did not live in Ruralville.
We all feel the Groundhogs Day exhistance of motherhood - laundry, make meals, pick up, pick up again, more laundry, ect, ect. I once left a piece of paper on the kitchen floor for several days to see if ANYONE in my house would pick it up. Guess what no one did. They just don't see it - these little people and big boys. But think to yourself that this is the MOST important job you will ever hold. Borrow my expression, " I'm raising people here. People with unlimited opportunities." It's not a job we will ever get a Nobel Prize for - but we all should:0)
Ok, I think I've said enough. Have some tea, Relax, and give yourself a break (because noone else will).
Ah, yes. Life. This day will pass, and so will this feeling, and in a short while life will feel better and normal again. The Lord is gracious and merciful like that.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a good day to put in some movies to watch and then do NOTHING all day. Because everything you have to do today will wait for you tomorrow!
I've been having those days as well...thank you for the verse!!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way. I find comfort in Isaiah 40:11-
ReplyDelete"he gently leads those that have young."
See. We get special treatment. We need it.
Gentle. Leading.
ACK!
Hope tomorrow is better.
Great post! It sparked something in me and I had to post about it... I hope tomorrow is better!
ReplyDelete*HUGS!*
[...] Aug I just read this post over at The Lumberjack’s [...]
ReplyDelete"It feels like everything you do is for the benefit of people who do not seem to notice you are doing anything at all. "
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better myself!! As a matter of fact, I've been trying to find those exact words for quite some time now! Hopefully you don't mind, but I'll be reusing that sentence. I will absolutely give you full credit, but that is exactly how I feel most days. I'm sorry you are having one of "those days", however it is nice to have an outlet. ...somewhere to go to express exactly how you're feeling. And, sometimes I notice, that once you express everything, and get it written and published out there, it seems to make things a little bit better.
Here's to wishing you have a better week. :)
I love your blog, and read it religiously!! There are few blogs that I actually read on a regular basis, but yours is one that I look forward to reading. I look for new posts and can't wait to hear/read what you have to say. ...sorry for sounding like a creep. I love your style, and think you are really really funny! :)
p.s. "IT sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays!"
ReplyDeleteyou're welcome.
Sweet Taylor.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had words of wisdom for you.
However, right now my son is singing a song about his sister that only has two words in it.
"Brat, brat, brat, brat, brat, bratty, bratty, bratty brat, brat, brat."
And the sister is tearing out all the wipes from the container (for the 100th time today) and wiping her diaper off. Maybe she is trying to tell me something.
I also have done the same thing today that I do every day. Clean, feed bebes, change diapers, break up fights, clean some more and try to smile while I do it.
So my wisdom is limited to this...the blahs will go away soon. And if they don't, come visit me and I will fix us some cocktails. Bye, bye blahs. :)
Lovesies to you.
You are not alone because every mother feels those things. In my Sunday School lesson yesterday, I was covering the fact that Mary witnessed the crucifixion of her Son. I wonder if she realized that event was the culmination and goal of everything she'd gone through, but I think there's a good chance she stood at the foot of the cross and wondered where she went wrong and how everything got so turned around.
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone. And yet, you are the best mother for those four children. How do I know? Because God chose you to be their mother. I could not do as well a job because He didn't design me for that task. Only you.
Taylor, I'm sorry you have the blahs. I do too and it has been a miserable night as I feel a lot of the things you have already said. Hugs to you from across the miles. You are a great mom and the lumberjacklings are blessed to have you.
ReplyDeleteMe too! Me too! Me too!
ReplyDeleteAmen. I can't think of anything more profound to say, so I'll just yell instead... AMEN!!! :-)
ReplyDeleteI feel like that sometimes too, and then I get weirded out cause I can't quite put my finger on why... must be a totally exhausted and somewhat under-appreciated mom thing?
ReplyDeleteOh Taylor...HUGS HUGS and more HUGS. I am going through this "blahness" lately too and wondering if what I am and what I am doing for my children is enough for them. I started a new full-time job 3 weeks ago and when I get home I am soooo tired and all they want to do is spend time with me and I am soooo tired and only want a few minutes to myself and then I get cranky and then feel guilty, beat myself up, give them hugs, ask for a few quiet moments again, and when I don't get it the vicious cycle starts over. Remember: This Too Shall Pass. We are wonderful mothers and I know our children know that we love them. We need to just remember to be there for them and take precious moments wherever possible. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you THANK YOU Thank you. Yes. My day/week/year, exactly. I'm going to be memorizing that verse. THANK YOU!
ReplyDeleteTurning on my pillow
ReplyDeletethinking kind of strange
The color is of midnite in this room
The cars outside are coughin'
And it's kind of hard to sleep
And there's neon out the window, not the moon
And it was just an any old kind of day
The kind that comes and slips away
The kind that fills up easy my life's time
The nite brought any old kind of dark
I heard the ticking of my heart
And why am I thinking somethings left behind?
This song is by Harry Chapin. I believe it can mimic our Christian walk. Most days are not filled with "bells & whistles"... just life. It is how God shapes and molds us. This is where our character is developed because life is what we all do. You do just fine. Trust me. I know.
I know it is overwheleming but you will miss these days. My babies are 14 & 11 and really don't need me. Yesterday no one really talked to me for three hours. One was on the phone with her friend while they played games online together and the other was online chatting with a friend that moved away. They both made their own lunches and there wasn't really a mess for me to clean up. So enjoy the chaos & craziness while you can for tomorrow it will be gone.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteTo everything you said, yes.
You are a wonderful mother Taylor and your children will have so many awesome memories, of this I am certain!!
ReplyDeleteI know I am a day late on here but I hope your day turned out to be great and I hope today is a fabulous day for you :)
At least you aren't puking.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, if you were puking, at least you would know that tomorrow would be a better day.
Unless your kids start puking, one day in a row each. Then, it would be a bad day.
But at least you would know there would be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Unless you are me and whenever a child (or yourself for that matter) starts to puke, you go into the depths of despair thinking this will never end. But at least if you were in the depths of despair (or should I say, the depthth of dethpair--name that movie), there would be no where to go but up even if you didn't believe it.
Did you get all that?
Maybe you should just be thankful you aren't puking and realize that maybe this day isn't just a day. This is a NON-puking day!
This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad (that we aren't puking!)
How I praise Him that His compassions are new every morning!
ReplyDeletethanks for this post. i have revisited it several times. you captured my mental struggle (i am sure the same one of all moms). everything i do today must be done again tomorrow. but it is also rewarding and joyous, like you said.
ReplyDelete