Madame Librarian.

I am going to try a Random Dozen post this week.

My cool blogging friends, Joyce and Jill do this all the time.

So, therefore, it must be all the rage.

Ha!

I probably just made it uncool.

1. Ever had any run-ins with the "library police?"

Why, certainly!

The Lumberjack and I were married when I was 19.

Shortly thereafter, I decided to get super studious and get my own library card.

I walked up to the stereotypical cranky, glasses-wearing librarian, and this is the conversation that ensued:

Me:  Howdy!  I would like to get a library card!

Librarian:  (looking at me with disdain)  Sorry, honey.  You will have to come back with your mom or dad.

Me:  Really? Why?

Librarian:  (sigh)  Because you need their signature.

Me:  Huh.  That's weird.

Librarian:  Darlin', we don't give out library cards to children under 18 without a parent.

Me:  Oh, but I am 19!

Librarian:  Sure you are.

Me:  No, it's true!  I'm married, too!  See?

(Yes.  I showed her my ring.  It was the vindication I needed at that moment in time)

Librarian: (annoyed sigh)  Let me see your ID.

Me:  Oh!  Ok.

So . . . I gave her proof that I was as old as I said I was.

She reluctantly gave me a library card.

And folks, that was the one and only time I have ever been carded.

2. Do you have a special organizational plan and place for wrapping paper, gift bags, etc., or do you just purchase whatever you need as you give gifts?

Absolutely not.

Everything is shoved into a lid-less Rubbermaid tote that gets jammed under my bed.

3. Have you ever been in (first-hand witness) a natural disaster?

No.

Unless you count the time The Lumberjack got us stuck on a mountain.

It was disastrous to me.

4. What's your favorite Barry Manilow song?

Barry Who?

5. What's the best costume you've ever worn?

One year for Halloween, my parents were not feeling all that wealthy.

So, my mom dressed me up in green pants and a shirt and taped purple balloons all over me.

Yes.

That's right.

I was a bunch of grapes.

But, wait!

There's more!

It poured and poured that year, so we had to trick or treat by driving around.

And folks, it is not easy getting in and out of cars with hundreds of balloons taped to your body.

Yes, that's right.

Hundreds.

I was a chunky child.

6. Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?

Dictionary.

I have a fear of using words that mean something more than I know they do.

When I was about 10, I was caught screaming a name at my cousin that i just thought meant, "meanie."

Turns out it is a not-so-nice word that also means a child of unmarried parents.

Oops!

7. What's your favorite breakfast food?

Oatmeal.

8. Have you ever purchased anything from an infomercial?

Yes.

A few things.

I really should have flat abs by now . . . or at least have my money back.

9. Have you ever crawled through a window?

No.

I can never fit.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No.

I think you can "strongly-like" at first sight, but not love.

Except with your babies.

That is an indescribable love.

11. How man pairs of jeans do you own?

2 that fit good and about 4 that should fit once I stop pretending to be on Weight Watchers.

I heard Weight Watchers works wonders if you actually follow the program.

Who knew!?

12. If someone were going to bake a cake to honor/represent you, what would it be? (Think creatively, like Duff and Crew on "Ace of Cakes.")

I am not creative.

I just want chocolate.

Just lots and lots of chocolate.

***

The End!

Happy Wednesday!