*Disclaimer*
This post is not for the squeamish and it is most certainly not intended for any reader who might be contemplating adding a baby to their family.
Thank you.
On Saturday, we celebrated my sister-in-law and niece's birthdays.
Tonya is my sister-in-law and my niece is called Snupps.
To get to their house, we have to drive for about an hour.
About 10 minutes before we arrived, we heard some pretty horrendous sounds coming from the backseat.
They were coming from Sweet Pea.
And, yes.
She was vomiting.
Me: Sweet Pea just threw up!
LJ (short for Lumberjack . . . keep up, people!): Should I pull over?
Me: No . . . there's not much we can do with baby wipes. Let's wait till we get to Danny and Tonya's house. Besides . . . how much more could she possibly throw up?
Famous last words of a fool.
Name that artist.
Sweet Pea: (wailing) I threw up.
Me: I know, honey, just wait a min-
Oh, snap!
She threw up again!
I am now desperately trying to roll down my window.
But the window-child-safety- locks are engaged.
Me: David!
Interruption: David is the term I most frequently use when speaking to my Lumberjack.
Me: Please unlock my window!
LJ: How is that going to help anything?!
Me: Fresh air! I need fresh air!
Handsome Dude: (gagging) It's weee yuck! It's weee yuck!
Daisy Mae: She's throwing up again!
LJ: Hold on, Sweet Pea! Almost there!
Sweet Pea: waahhhh! waahhh!
Sweet Pea throws up.
Again.
Handsome Dude: (gagging) It's weee gross, Mom!
So, we arrive to the party, fashionably late per usual, and with a child who is covered in vomit.
Tonya: Do you want to stick Sweet Pea in the bath?
Me: Sure!
Sweet Pea: waaah, waaah
Interruption: "waah, waah" is the only way I can figure out how to relay crying to you, my gentle readers.
I am open to suggestions.
Thank you.
Handsome Dude: (crying and gagging) Sweet Pea's wee gross!
LJ to me: Do you want to clean Sweet Pea up or the car?
Me: Um . . . I would definitely rather clean up Sweet Pea.
The Lumberjack looks defeated as Tonya hands him some cleaning supplies.
Let's have a nice, warm round of applause to the Lumberjack who had to deal that nasty mess.
Thank you.
I take Sweet Pea, who is crying and wailing and wailing and crying, up to the bathroom.
I am trying to strip off her clothes without covering my poor sister-in-law's bathroom in this mysterious chunky matter.
Sweet Pea gets into the bath and immediately perks up when she hears that Tonya is finding her some clean clothes from Snupps.
Older cousins are simply the coolest.
Just when I think that all is right in the world again, my happy thoughts are interrupted by one frantic Handsome Dude.
Handsome Dude: I need potty! I need potty!
He is grabbing himself and running in place.
Me: Dude! Calm down! You can go potty. Want me to help you with your pants?
Handsome Dude: I need potty! I need potty!
So, I start to help him with his pants.
And then . . .
it happens.
Me: Dude! Wait! Don't pee yet!
But it was too late.
Handsome Dude starts peeing and I am in the direct line of fire.
Now, Tonya is a petite girl and I am certain that she has no clothes for me to squeeze into.
I ain't petite, folks.
So, I did what any decent, caring mother would have done to her 3-year-old son.
I pushed him away from me.
Far, far away from me.
And now his spray is just going rogue.
Pee is everywhere.
Pee is on Handsome Dude.
Pee is on Sweet Pea's chunky-vomit clothes.
Pee is all over my poor sister-in-law's floor.
Pee is not, however, on me.
Win!
I look at my sister-in-law's bathroom.
Two of my children are sitting, naked in her bathtub.
Pee is splattered on her toilet and walls.
Urine soaked clothes and vomit soaked clothes are both piled in the corner.
Vomit chunks are floating in the pool of urine on her floor.
And we had only been there 5 minutes.
Yes, folks.
That was our entrance.
It.
Was.
Epic.
***
To be continued . . .
Oh. My. Goodness. I can't wait for the rest of the story!
ReplyDeleteoh. my gosh. how does that happen???
ReplyDeleteOh what a day! Children, gotta love them :) We had puke in the car this week as well, in a rental, on vacation....fun... Cant wait to hear the rest!
ReplyDeleteThis blog is the best birth control ever!
ReplyDeleteReally, they should read this post to girls in high school. It would drastically cut down on teenage births.
It sounds like you handled the situation perfectly. :)
Marla @ www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
Holy Hannah! I am going to think twice before inviting you all to my birthday party. Ok, I'm just joshing. You're all invited BUT.....I won't be cleaning the bathroom until AFTER you all leave. :-)
ReplyDeleteEwww! Poor Sweet Pea! That stomach bug seems to be making the rounds, yuck I am hoping we can avoid. Hope the rest of you stay healthy!
ReplyDeleteAwesome!
ReplyDeletePoor Sweet Pea, but AWESOME!
:)
Holy chunk blowing! That sucks. You're 10 minutes in, I'm just reading it and I'm ready to pack up and go home.
ReplyDeleteWhat a grand entry! I can see you now! This is great birth control. Just what I need :)
ReplyDeleteAw, sick! Boy that sounds like way too much fun for me. Still, really looking forward to the next installment.....
ReplyDeleteYou are correct - diverting the pee was definitely a win. Way to think under pressure Mom!! It was also a win to get LJ to clean the car. Clothes can be pulled off and vomit chunks shaken out of them into trash - not so with car seats..What your young readers don't realize is that when you and LJ are old, feeble, and incontinent - payback will come to the young....
ReplyDeleteYuk city. Long drives may require antihistamine for squeamish stomachs. LJ should have stopped. It may have prevented or relieved more vomiting at the same time letting some of it outside. He deserves the car cleaning chore. Pore SP. I'm not inviting you guys over until the kids are 17. :)
ReplyDeleteI always knew there was a reason we have yet to have children. I must ensure DH never reads or hears about this... or he will never want the lovely darlings.
ReplyDeleteOh my! I'm so sorry to hear about your day. It could only get better from there I hope.
ReplyDeletewww.monkeetrouble7.wordpress.com
I'm thinking part 2 is not going to be nearly as exciting as part 1. I really hope for your sake it isn't. Wow! Fortunately they are very very cute.
ReplyDeleteThat is one nice sister in law you've got. If I had heard the word 'vomit' I would have turned you around before you ever got out of that van.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'd have thrown you a bucket and some cleaning supplies, but I would have revoked your invitation into my house.
Have I mentioned my fear of vomiting?
Have I mentioned that I'm technically a nurse?
Odd, I know.
Good move deciding to clean the child rather than the car. Even with the urine factored in, it's the better option.
ReplyDeleteWhat a day, you poor family! I have to admit though, all hits so close to home that I am laughing so hard tears are running down my face. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeletecan't wait for the next installment! :-)
ReplyDeleteSince this didn't happen to me, this post gave me a big chuckle. Not to say these things haven't happened to me, but not all at once:) And you made the right call with pushing Handsome Dude away. That is what they make paper towels and Clorox bathroom cleaner for....... Can't wait to hear how the rest of the story goes.
ReplyDeleteNow, if I was your sister-in-law; I would have taken the rest of the party outside (or at least your family's party). This is why it is such a waste to clean your house before a party!
I'm sorry but I just had to laugh--hard! Especially when you described the urine stream going rogue! What a nightmare!
ReplyDeleteVomit and kids...it is always like something out of a movie in slow motion. :) Classic!
ReplyDeleteAt least you only had one kid throwing up!
ReplyDeleteAlmost every Sunday after church we go out to eat with some good friends for lunch. Their kids are known to throw up if they 1) eat too fast 2) Shove too much in their mouths 3) if one of them has dairy (he is allergic) or 4) if they feel like it (not really, but sometimes I wonder) During a nice lunch out in a very crowded resturant, one of them put to much food in his mouth and started to throw up, all four of the adults, of course being all very prepared parents for this case, grab a basket, a bib with a pocket, and a bunch of napkins and hold under his chin to catch everything. My son, who is normally unfased by all of this, started dry-heaving. I knew what was going to come next, so I ran up to get more napkins and as soon as I returned, my son threw up, which then made his friend (the one who had been throwing up) throw up again, which then made my son throw up again. This went on for a while, all while the four of us adults were laughing so hard at what was happening. Once we got everything cleaned up from all the vomit, we all finish our lunch, the two boys who had thrown up asked for more food, and we decided not to go back to that resturant for a few weeks.
Isn't being a parent the best!
There is more to this story!?
ReplyDeleteYou definitely know how to make an entrance! Can't wait for the second part of this story!
ReplyDelete[...] Who You Are The Birthday Party, part 1. [...]
ReplyDeleteAll I can say...you poor thing!
ReplyDeleteFor the first time since I have been commenting on your blog, I am speechless.
ReplyDeleteI might have to go puke, but I am speechless.
That was so funny! I'm sure it wasn't at the time, but I actually have tears rolling down my face. I so needed a laugh. Thank you! (By the way I came over from Jill Boyd's blog.)
ReplyDeleteI know that I am a few days behind, but I have to say that with three of my own I was laughing with tears running down my face reading this! And then made my husband read it. I feel for ya and agree with some of the above comments that it was for sure a win to push dude away! Hope you are all clean once again and healthy!
ReplyDelete[...] The Birthday Party, part 1 [...]
ReplyDeleteYou win. You should host True Story Tuesdays because I just cannot top that entrance. WOW... they are sooo gonna understand when they have kids, eh? :)
ReplyDelete