I am in need of a change.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I love my children.
I love my life.
Somedays I just don't want to do it anymore.
Give me a uniform, I'll go flip burgers.
Give me a broom, I'll go clean offices.
Give me a hairnet, I'll cook some food.
Just, please.
Please.
Give me change.
I am tired of cleaning a house that is always messy.
I am bored of reading books that have already been read.
I am sick of doing laundry everyday in a house where there is always more laundry to be done.
I am ready for a break.
A break from my toast making, dishes washing, sippy cup filling, diaper changing, time-out monitoring, nose-wiping, ABC tutoring, and toy organizing life.
I believe that I might be in a funk.
Yesterday, I sat downstairs and tried to eat breakfast and read The Pioneer Woman's blog.
For 10 minutes.
And in that 10 minutes, my two boys, as precious as they are, moved two suitcases into the bathroom, turned on the tv to a fuzzy channel, turned on two ceiling fans, lovingly placed 4.5 pairs of earrings in the hallway, started running the bath water, and took the lid off of my favorite chapstick and threw it into the tub.
10 minutes.
Was that too much to ask?
Ooooh.
There are days where I cannot WAIT for them to all grow up!
Oh, yes.
I will drop them all off at school. I will come home and eat breakfast for 15 minutes while reading The Pioneer Woman's blog.
Then I will clean my house and it will STAY clean.
I will catch up on the laundry.
I will grocery shop in peace.
I will have childfree coffee dates with friends.
I will not have snot on my jacket when I go to the store.
I will not have matchbox cars in my pockets and crackers in my purse.
I will super fit because I will have had time to exercise.
I will read.
I will volunteer.
I will have a great and grand life.
And then I will come home and sit in my clean, yet quiet house.
And I will cry.
I will cry because my babies are all grown up and I miss them.
Motherhood.
It's a quandary, I tell ya.
Ah . . .
Such is life.
"Unless the Lord builds a house, its builders labor in vain . . . In vain you rise early and stay up late . . . Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him."
Psalms 127
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea . . . Be still and know that I am God."
Psalms 46
come escape to my house anytime.....although there is no escape from kids over here! :-( but we can just pretend we don't hear them, like we do when they want a push on the swing!!! :-)
ReplyDeleteThat was well spoken. I have so many days like that and then when they are gone at school I want to have more kids! I know crazy!!
ReplyDeleteLet's go on a trip for mom's 50th birthday. Dave will totes take care of the kids. We can go to Palm Springs. I will have just gotten back from Europe and will be really good at traveling.
ReplyDeleteWe remember those days....now we're on the other side. It all went by so quickly, but we can remember when it sure didn't seem to! The "me" time really will come- I promise!!!! Your blog & pictures are a wonderful way for those of us on the "other side" to delight in your sweet family's life & happily remember the days when we were in that "funk". :)
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor. I have been having a tough few weeks with the Fishman and this touched me. Thanks. Btw I was reading this book yesterday and it said a mother of a preschooler has to respond to their child every 4 minutes and I laughed because it took me approx 30 minutes to read one page of that book. I agree though it us bittersweet Love
ReplyDeleteyour sister in Christ
I am always so amazed at how stay at home moms do it, it's a full time job that never ends! The kids are blessed to have you at home Taylor and enjoy it because it really does go by fast. I so wish I could stay at home again (although with both my kids in school I would have those free days and probably cry that I missed them). I think I did it all backwards, I worked very little while the kids were little, then started working full time when they went to school, go figure!
ReplyDeleteOh, man. I love you girl. I understand those days because I have them a couple times a week. Go get yourself a coffee and close your eyes and find a happy place! :)
ReplyDeleteAmen girl. All of it. All the way down to the tears. :( Savor the moment eh?
ReplyDelete'Tis true, 'tis true alas. You will look back on these days as the best ever. However, that doesn't mean you don't need a lift. Having a coffee out with a friend is like Disneyland and Heaven all wrapped up in one when you can't have it. You must do everything you can to try to arrange it whenever it is at all possible. I blame myself... I'm a coming Taylor, I don't know when but I'll come after I take care of Neil's needs. You don't stop being a mom just because your kids get older.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you take them all over to gram's house and let them play downstairs. Too bad you don't have a basement. Put them all in a relatively safe room, make Kate be the teacher/mom/boss and put up a gate? 10 minutes alone?
ReplyDeleteWow, my thoughts exactly! I am also a SAHM of two little ones...there is definitely never a dull moment. Just today they pulled the ottoman over to the the dvd player and threw every dvd movie we own in the floor, smashed a banana all over my son's room and in his bed and when I tried to sit down for "10" minutes at the computer, they undressed themselves completely and was sitting stark naked in the chair watching tv!! I think our children would get along quite well..lol. Hope you have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteGirl, I go through the same thing every day! And I wish the same thing every single day! And at the end of every single day, I think about how sad I will be when my kids aren't here. And that gets me through the next day!
ReplyDeleteI came over from Kelly's blog, and wow, I could have written that post exactly. I am in the same boat and it's tough sometimes. My youngest will be entering Jr. Kindergartne this fall, and due to a change in school schedules he will be going all day, every day, instead of the every other day I thought he would go. So come September I will all alone, all day, five days a week. I'm stressing already! What the heck am I supposed to do? I may enjoy it for a week or two, but I'm going to miss all of my kids.
ReplyDeleteFound you from Kelly's Korner!
ReplyDeleteLove your post! I am also a stay at home Mom of 2 plus I provide childcare for 4 other children 2 years and under! Lately I have felt like I'm in a funk, too. At least I'm not alone!!!!!
i'm here via kelly's korner...your title caught my eye..and let me just say as having 2 boys myself...i totally understand where you are and feel the same way you are feeling.
ReplyDeleteso, much so, that i cried reading your blog!!!
i look forward to reading through your site...stop by mine if you can.
Such a cute, true, and funny post!
ReplyDeleteCxx
Boy do I understand those feelings. I found myself nodding the entire time I read your post. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI also have 4 children and several years ago, I could have written that same thing!! They are a little older now (the baby entering K in the fall) and my oldest can finally watch the others so I can run a quick errand ALONE!! For so many years I felt like I was drowning in kids. Hang in there!! I promise you will see the light.
ReplyDeleteI SO hear you. I have my days where I call my husband and beg him to come home early so I can bathe....ha ha...He usually says he can't, but I still ask, pretty much daily. I wanted my kids close together, ya know, so they could be friends? 20 months apart. 2 girls. They are now 11 months and 2 1/2 years...
ReplyDeleteI'm here in this blogosphere because of the support I get from other SAHMs.
Oh, how I empathize with you! There are days when I just want to dress up and go to an office to work! I loved how you put it in your post. The verses at the end especially hit home. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLyndsey
Words we all feel sometimes! I try to remember that this season is so fleeting. They already gorw so fast. Hard to hold on to in the midst of every-day chaos, though! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteYes! I think I've been in a funk for a month. One morning last week the baby was crying at 5 am - thankfully my sweet husband went to him. Later I said, "I heard him crying but it didn't register in my mind to go and get him." My husband replied..."That worries me." Geez, that made me feel like a GREAT mother.
ReplyDeleteMaybe next week the funk will wear off.
Thanks so much for this! I have some friends who are childless and I feel guilty admitting I feel this way sometimes! I worked for 2 years after having my daughter and thought I only wanted to be a stay at home mom. I love being home with my children, but sometimes I just need a break! Glad to know that other moms feel the same way!
ReplyDeleteHey found your blog from Kelly's Korner. I'm a SAHM of four boys and I can so relate to this post. When I get into the same funk I always have to remind myself how blessed I am to have these lovely boys to complain about and how some women who don't have children would give anything to have little brats like mine!
ReplyDeleteI am in the same boat as you. In a funk, so thankful that I get to be home with my kids, but also so jealous that I don't get to be out amongst adults. Wishing there was time to read, blog, learn Photoshop Elements 8, scrapbook, workout, clean and have fun with the kids. Many of my days are hard, having our house for sale doesn't help, but sometimes (many times, actually) I just don't feel "worthy" or "useful" and I want things to change. We live 6 hours from any of our family and have absolutely no one to help with child care, so my husband and I NEVER get out without kids, which leads to me being jealous of him..he gets to go to work, go out for lunch, have grown up conversations....I don't. Leads to a bit of resentment, but I'm struggling to work through these things. I'm sure there are many more SAHM's that are in the same boat, I just don't know any of them. It's hard to live so far from family and not have any friends that stay at home...everyone here works. Anyway, thanks for that post...it definitely rings true for me.
ReplyDeletelove love love your post! i am a sahm to 2 boys (one is 2 and one is almost 5 months). i already believe they are already ganging up against me. one will nap at one time and the other will go down about the same time as the other one gets up! cracks me up!!! thanks for putting this into words!
ReplyDeleteAMEN! I so empathized with your post. I too feel that way many days. Children are such blessings but motherhood is tough day in and day out.
ReplyDeleteI know it's tough and one day seems to melt into the next but can I just tell you, and please I'm not trying to discourage you, enjoy this time now because the teenage years are so much more challenging (sorry). Maybe you can put them in an activity, for example the park district, where you can drop them off even for an hour and sit and have some coffee in peace. Some park districts also offer child care for a resonable price, and you can excersise. Hang in there just remember we're all in the same boat.
ReplyDeleteThanks for letting me know I'm not alone. I have 4 kids aged 6, 3, 2, & 6 mos and I often feel like you. When I do get quiet time I just want to sit and do nothing, then feel guilty about that. I look forward to next year when I'll have one in school all day, 2 in preschool and I'll drop the baby off at a mom's day out center while the others are in preschool. I'll have 6 hours to myself every, single week! But then I think I'll be sad b/c this year is my last year with all my babies at home with me...motherhood certainly is a quandry!
ReplyDeleteWow. I could have written this exact same post. It's nice to see someone who finally *gets* what I'm feeling.
ReplyDeleteHahaha Love it! I hear you!!
ReplyDeleteLove it! I can relate!
ReplyDeleteI came over from Kelly's Korner.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this. I feel like this often. I just want to throw in the towel. But ... I know I'll miss it later on. Thanks for the encouragement and for letting us SAHM's know we're not alone!
I LOVE your post and loved reading all of the comments! Sounds exactly like my life. My kids, 2 boys, 4 1/2 and almost 2 seem out of control most days. I'm glad I'm not alone in this :) If all of us commenting could just hang out!
ReplyDeleteThis is ME! I have three girls, three and under. One big sister and just turned one yr old twins. Did I mention my husband travels constantly with his job? Yeah, he sure does. Thank you for voicing the thoughts that so many of us have! Hope your day is peaceful.
ReplyDelete