Not me! Dressing room edition.

I did not take my 6-year-old shopping last week.

The six-year-old who implores me to purchase any sort of fitness DVD or machine she sees on an infomercial. 

Because, as she says, I am so "chubs."

I did not have to shout my clothing size across the store to her when she kept shouting at me, asking if I could fit into an "XS."

But wait!

There's more!

I did not become so desperate to find something, anything to wear that I took aforementioned six-year-old into the dressing room with me.

And my daughter, my own flesh and blood, did not continuously point out and poke at my flaws.

Not that I have flaws.

And, dear readers, while I was in this dressing, nay this horror, room, I did not ponder the following thoughts:

Is this what I look like?

There are too many mirrors in here.

I am sure I don't look like this.

My daughter looks like she normally does.

Maybe the mirrors are just false for adults.

Yes.  I am sure that is true.

Why am I so . . . wiggly?

Why is my stomach so . . . billowy?

I am sure it is because of the children.

Yes.

I shall blame it on the children.

Not my lack of exercise.

How can I ever be seen again in a swimming suit?

I now know the truth.

This is not a swimsuit-approved body.

I will plan my life around swimsuit-less activities from this day forward.

Dang.

I never knew my arms were so plump.

Ok.

That's it.

I am going on a diet.

I did not leave the mall to take my daughter to dinner, with my new diet plan in mind, only to cave and order chips with my sandwich.

I do not have a weakness for salt and vinegar chips.

No.   Not me.

Nor do I have a weakness for popcorn, chocolate-peanut-butter ice cream, popcorn, pasta, pizza, brownies, cookies, popcorn, bread, popcorn, and more bread.

If only I had a weakness for my good friend, Jillian.

But, no.

I can honestly say I could live without her.

No offense to Ms. Michaels, as I am sure she is a lovely person.

I could just live without plank jacks in my life.

And clearly, I do live without plank jacks in my life, as is evidenced by my lack of bikini body.

Happy Monday!