How to Lose a Guy in 10 years.

1.  Look like a dork while trying to look like a bathing beauty.

2.  Look like this . . .

for at least 40 months of your marriage.

Please notice the gray truck behind the woman who resembles the Kool-Aid man.

That truck will be important in 0.8 seconds.

3.  Drive his beloved truck for about 5 miles across town with the emergency brake on.  Then scold him for the fact that his stupid truck is too big, too hard to drive, too ugly, too high up, and smokes too much.

4.  Finally agree to do something adventurous with him, such as snorkeling whilst in Cancun.

*Annoy him when you inform him that it would be great if your hair didn't get wet.

*Annoy him when you inform him that every time you dunk your face in the ocean, your goggles fill with water, and certain death is near.

*Annoy him when you ask him if he is trying to kill you in Cancun, seeing as how he expects you to not breathe while snorkeling

*Annoy him when you demand that no fish touch your legs for the duration of this swell activity

*Annoy him when you ask him 14 times if you have mascara running down your face.

Folks.

Lumberjill is not waterproof.

5.  Call him at work, after he specifically requested you do not call him much at work, and inquire of him just what he did with his belly button lint that morning.

6.  Take pictures of a "dead" bat that is magically stuck upright on a screen.

Inform everyone and their mother that there is a dead bat stuck on your house and you don't know what to do.

Plead with your husband to remove the bat carcass as soon as he comes home from work, as you are sure the carcass is disease-ridden and such.

Hide in fear of the dead bat when your husband goes outside to handle the "situation."

Watch as your husband casually hits the screen with a broom handle and the bat flies away.

Ponder how you ever graduated from college.

7.  Attempt to be your husband's help meet by doing some Price Checking for him at the Home Depot.

Take the Home Depot guy's opinion over your husband's and scold your husband for not knowing what he is doing, when in fact, your husband was right all along.

8.  Look this good at major family events:

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

***

Well.

We hit 10 years tomorrow.

Let's see if he sticks around until then.

Happy Wednesday!

PS-Happy Anniversary to Tanna and her husband, too!  They got married on the same day as The Lumberjack and I did.

Holla, Tanna!