Serenity Now!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, my dear readers.

That one word sums up my life right now.

Honestly, I have no time for this blogging nonsense.

Yet, it is my duty to share with you all the horrific angst my person has been through as of late.

And it is your duty to pretend to care.

#1-I figured out whose idea I stole for the Father's Day Interview.

I'm a thief.

Who knew?!

Go say "hi" to Naomi, as she is the original mastermind behind the interview idea.

#2- For those poor confused souls who do not understand what the gun show is, allow me to shed a little light on the matter.

A person, usually of the male-gender, says something like:

"Would you like tickets to the show?"

The recipient of this comment will usually say,

"What show?"

Then the aforementioned male makes muscle arms .  . .

as Little Dude is so accurately demonstrating . . .

and says something like,

"Tickets to the gun show."

You see, dear readers, the guns in this scenario are not actual guns, but are, in fact, muscles.

Hope that clears things up.

#3-Serenity Now!

Yes.

Serenity Now came from Seinfeld and I believe it is what George's dad said when he was angry . . . you know . . . to try to calm himself down.

My life, dear readers, has been full of "Serenity Now!" moments as of late.

Allow me to elaborate.

My husband and I are idiots.

You see, we thought it would be a great and glorious idea to keep our old house and use it as a vacation rental.

We also thought it would be a superb plan to go ahead and book the house for its first rental for about 10 days after we moved to Ruralville.

But, alas!

We did not stop there.

We also were so brilliant that we decided to start the following projects at the original house in the past couple of months:

*Laundry room:  Floor, sheet rock, bead board, trim, paint.

*Kitchen:  Tile, under cabinet lighting.

*Rest of house:  Sheet rock touch ups, paint, install electric cadet heaters (for we cannot assume all future renters will enjoy building fires)

*Outside:  Build new fence.  Build new porch.  Paint new porch columns.

In conjunction with all of that nonsense, we have had to buy about 4.2 million dollars worth of new furniture and appliances to get both houses functioning.

And after all that 4.2 million dollars, I would like everyone to know that The Lumberjack and I do not have a dresser.

Serenity Now!

So, in honor of tomorrow, yes, tomorrow being the day the first renters come, I would like to present to you all a few of the circumstances that have been causing my dashing and dapper husband and I a tiddly-bit of stress.

1)  First there was the whole washer/dryer fiasco, which I discussed a bit yesterday.  Well . . . as my husband and I were moving the original washer back into the original house, we broke the knob off of the washer that selects the wash cycle.

The part won't be in for 10 days.

Renters are coming in 1 day.

Serenity Now!

2)  The dryer vent pull-out thingie mabob of the old dryer is broken and costs $40 to replace.

Serenity Now!

3)  Our oven in our original house broke.

$135 repair.

Serenity Now!

4)  Ruralville did not have a fridge.

Had to buy a new one.

Serenity Now!

5)  Had to buy 5 mattresses/box springs in the past week.

Serenity Now!

6)  Had to buy a table for the original house's kitchen breakfast nook.

Found this bad boy at a garage sale for like $100 bucks . . .

But we just needed the table.  Not the benches.

Then, at a later garage sale, we found a nice round pedestal table for $25.

So the above table/benches set was a unecessary purchase and I have to live with it as my dining room table until we can afford to live again.

Serenity Now!

7)  Ruralville came with these window coverings . . .

and the kids won't stop messing with them.

Serenity Now!

8)  It takes 45 minutes to drive each way from Ruralville to Original House.

This does not agree with our gas budget.

Serenity Now!

9)  My new dryer has this on the inside:

That don't look safe.

Serenity Now!

10)  I bought a new down comforter for the Original house and my Lumberjack threw it in the dryer without reading the tag.

First of all,  let's be super thankful that he likes to help out.

Nevertheless!

The comforter became all funked out and I am trying to save it by rewashing it and drying it with the tennis balls, as the tag so helpfully instructed . . .

yet it still smells . . . odd.

Serenity Now!

11)  My husband bought an older Honda Accord to save on gas when our whole family is not driving.

Yesterday.

Yesterday I decide to go into town and I know my husband will be pleased with me if I switch car seats to the Honda instead of using our diesel-thirsty Excursion.

I get everyone loaded.

I get the car loaded with stuff to take to Original House.

And the new key I had recently made won't work.

My husband has the original at work with him.

So, I had to switch everyone back into the Excursion, along with all the items I had placed in the trunk.

And it was POURING rain.

I would like to remind everyone that Lumberjill is not waterproof and she looked like a drowned cat for the rest of the day.

Serenity Now!

12)  All three things in this picture are broken and need my husband's attention.

For I am an idiot and need him for my life's existence.

Serenity Now!

13)  My husband's work cell phone does not work at our house.

So we had to add him onto my plan and get him a new phone.

After my grandma's funeral we were at my parent's house, where no less than 40 people were gathered.

Little Dude throws up.

On my mama's couch.

In my mama's bathroom.

All over The Lumberjack's clothes.

I offer to throw his clothes in the wash while my mother finds him some clothes of my dad.

I washed his cell phone.

Win!

Serenity Now!

And finally . . .

14)  My mother bought me this VHS at a garage sale:

We have two, yes, two VHS players in our house.

Neither are working.

And I must watch this movie.

Soon.

Serenity Now!

Alright.

If you don't hear from me for a while, just assume I have gone insane.

Thank you.