To read my first installment on how the universe is crumbling all around me, click here.
***
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, dear readers.
It's that time again.
Time for me to share with you all my woes and angst, while randomly shouting, "Serenity Now!"
And it's time for you to pretend to care about my troubles.
1) Many of you might recall that we own one home that we are keeping as a vacation rental.
Turns out this is a lot more work/stress/money/stress/work than we initially perceived.
Weareexhausted.
After our first renters, the queen bed frame broke.
Serenity Now!
2. The frame/headboard/footboard was given to The Lumberjack and I as a wedding gift.
10 years ago.
The Lumberjack, in all his handsomeness, pulled out no less than 7.3 million power tools and began to repair the bed so it could function for our next group.
Then me, in all my portliness, decided to try to test the repaired bed out to ensure that it would be sturdy for the next weary travellers at David and Taylor's Comfort Inn.
Folks.
There was a lot of creaking and moaning coming from that bed.
Creaking? Moaning? Bed breaking?
This is unacceptable for David and Taylor's Comfort Inn.
Serenity Now!
3. On Monday I spent 3 hours cleaning that darned house.
The Lumberjack worked on the yard for about 1 hour.
On Tuesday I spent 3 more hours cleaning that darned house.
The Lumberjack was there for 3 as well.
On Wednesday I spent an additional 3 hours cleaning.
The Lumberjack was there for 1 1/2.
Looks like someone isn't pulling his weight around here.
There has got to be a smarter way to do this.
Somebody.
Help me.
Serenity Now!
4. In the past 3 days I have spent a ridiculous amount of money for this stupid, stupid, stupid rental.
You may ask, 'Taylor! How much exactly did you spend, pray tell?"
And I will respond, "Ha! Silly readers! I cannot say. For if some random friend or relative ever mentioned it to my Lumberjack, he would have a conniption."
A conniption?
Yes.
A conniption fit and he would banish me to the closet without dinner.
Lumberjacks are mean like that.
And I am tired of spending money.
Serenity Now!
5. The Lumberjack got the sprinklers working at the rental house around 9pm last night.
And discovered a sprinkler head was broken.
So, he decided to run to Home Depot really quick-like to fix it.
And he bought the wrong one.
Serenity Now!
Oh! and more fun! Handsome Dude broke the new BBQ the Lumberjack purchased for this house without anyone even using it first.
Serenity Now!
Now! Now! Now!
6. Do you know just how much cleaning is required for a rental?
Think about it.
If you were staying in a hotel, you would expect things to be super clean . . . right?
Like if you saw a dirty baseboard or a cobweb in the corner, you would be a little grossed out . . .
Or if the BBQ at the house had food burnt on it . . .
Or if you touched the top of the microwave and it was dusty . . .
Or if there was grossness in the bottom of the trash can . . .
Or if the box fan was dusty . . .
Or if there was a tiny, tiny, tiny stain on the shower curtain (I just ended up buying a new shower curtain . . . shh! don't tell my husband!) . . .
Or if the oven has a small splatter in it . . .
Do you know how exhausting it is to try to clean a house to "hotel-ish" standards while praying that your 4 Lumberjacklings don't create more of a mess?
Iamsotired.
Serenity Now!
7. Do you know how much gas we have gone through these past few days driving from Ruralville to City House?
Serenity Now!
8. My good friend Melissa, aka Bimlissa, just informed me she is moving across the country in like 3 weeks.
She is taking that Bimbaby that is dwelling in her tummy without me getting to hold him first.
Who does she think she is?
Serenity Now!
9. My scale will only weigh me in kilograms.
Why?
Who knows.
I am sure I am gaining weight by the second, but I am too lazy to convert to poundage.
Serenity Now!
10. The house in Ruralville has an alarm system.
Yes.
We are that high-class now.
However.
It is not properly functioning and my husband is trying to tell me that he cannot fix it.
Right.
So, randomly it will just start loudly beeping and scare the living daylights out of all of us.
I told him I am going to have to hire an electrician to come and fix this.
He said, "Sounds good."
Ha!
Like we can afford one.
We've got to buy, supply, and maintain mattresses, box springs, bed frames, bed skirts, mattress pads, fitted sheets, flat sheets, comforters, pillows, pillow cases, sprinkler heads, fencing materials, bath towels, beach towels, hand towels, wash cloths, dish towels, dish rags, sponges, tables, plates, bowls, glasses, mugs, strainer, cheese grater, serving bowls, BBQ tools, coffee pot, blender, toaster, pots, pans, silverware, cooking utensils, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, paper towels, trash bags, soaps, rugs, pillows, hangers, ironing boards, irons, door mat, broom, dust pan, mop, high chair, stroller, pack and play, curtains, bath mats, toilet bowl cleaners, toilet plungers, oven, refrigerator, dish washer, washing machine (still broken, by the way), dryer, water heater, electric cadet heaters, lawn mower, porch swing, porch rocking chair, kids picnic table, swing set, box fans, tv, satellite, dvd player, dvds, games, and a vacuum for a home that we no longer live in.
No. The home that we live in currently looks like Weedfest 2010 and if we have any sort of company over for dinner, I fear they will have to eat on the floor.
Serenity Now!
11. I want to sell the other house.
Serenity Now!
12. I don't care anymore that I felt all sentimental towards it and wanted to keep it forever and ever.
Sell it!
I wash my hands of it!
Serenity Now!
13. These are the forks we have to use at Ruralville.
Ouch.
It's a good thing we are never at Ruralville to eat.
Serenity Now!
14. It's a good thing I am not a complainer.
15. Speaking of the aforementioned Bimlissa, look at what she got me for my birthday:
16. My sister linked up this Whitney Houston video to my Facebook yesterday.
Please watch this, as it is quite fantastic.
To this, I will not say, Serenity Now.
No.
I will instead shout:
Holy Hairbow!
She does have a point, you know.
How will one know?
Hmmm . . . things to ponder.
Happy Thursday.
Hugs!
ReplyDeleteStressful!
Decisions for you to make.
I pray that today brings more solutions than stress for you!
Ok, maybe this will make you feel better....Greg and I are living in a small 2 bedroom apt that our son and his room mate are renting along with our older son who just moved in also...2 BIG boxers who pee non stop (and no it is not outside) So I am sharing a bathroom with 4 guys who do not aim well... Everything (well almost) I own is in storage back home. I had to try and iron my pants with my flat iron. That was interesting.....
ReplyDeletehey taylor,
ReplyDeleteeverytime i have stayed at a vacation rental house, i have had to pay for housecleaning services (in addition to the rent). why don't you add on that fee for the weeks not yet rented and hire someone to clean it? that would make things so much easier for you.
also, i like the cow pic with the tongue! it makes me laugh.
That is a fantastic idea!
ReplyDeleteHa! That does make me feel better! A flat iron! ha! :)
ReplyDeleteLooks like you need a serenity candle, too. :)
Ever thought about just hiring a cleaning service after every rental ... It would probably be a wash with gas and stress driving back and forth....we have rented many houses and we rent them for comfort and to keep vacations cheap. Do not stress about every little thing Taylor I've been in some pretty musty old vacation houses and ive been in some really nice ones and I have to say i never thought any of them were hotel quality . Clean it Like you would for company or have a cleaning service do it. Also you are having the guest clean after them selves right ?? I have never rented any house where I wasn't informed I had to do this before I left. If it were me though I would charge a cleaning deposit and then hire a maid!! Love you , hope you don't stress to much :)
ReplyDeletePraying for your stress level, Taylor. Sounds like you are dealing with a lot at one time. By the way, I won't tell you where my mind went when you were talking about all of the creaking and moaning on that bed...
ReplyDeleteWOW, all I can say, just Wow..... Maybe I should send some calgon. Will the mailman bring it to you if I address it to Mr. and Mrs. Lumberjack in Ruralville?
ReplyDeleteUs too!
ReplyDeleteI hate cleaning. Like others said... hire a maid!! And some lawn boys!! I'm sure they would be MUCH cheaper than that gas... then you'd get to spend more time/money on your own house!! :)
ReplyDeleteNow I'm tired, too. I honestly can't imagine doing what you're doing, Taylor. I'll cast my vote for hiring a cleaning service!
ReplyDeleteOn another note, you transported me back to my sophomore year of high school with that video. So now I feel tired but young. ;)
Serenity Now! I totally agree hire a maid and lawn boys and an electrician (will help Lumberjack with Serenity Now).
ReplyDeleteThank you for my first ever comment. :-)
Oh My! Get a MAID!!!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you're not a complainer ;)! Perhaps you need someone to keep the smallest lumberjacklings while you force the older two into slave labor cleaning the rental house with you!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, I'm sure you'll get in the swing of things soon. It's just all new right now.
Serenity Now!! LOL. Oh my. Your story of the alarm system randomly beeping whenever it had the urge to annoy reminded me of recently when we moved into our new home, same thing. Couldn't figure out how to turn the *@&@ thing off and wanted to rip it out of the wall. Good thing one day I realized it wasn't doing it anymore, the batteries must have run out..hehe.
ReplyDeleteI was going to suggest this also. Renters are going to be sloppy when they don't have to clean up the mess....save the gas...find out what it is going to cost to clean the place and hire someone to do it. You can do the same with the yard...hire someone to mow.
ReplyDeleteDarlin' (that's how we say Darling in the South), sell the house. It's not worth it, and you're doing a disservice to yourself by keeping it.
ReplyDeleteThink of all the trudging on your acreage that you're missing out on by keeping up with the other house.
If you have a longing to see it, you can always go back, but I have a feeling if you free yourself from it, you won't miss it for long.
Hugs to you. Raising a small army along with keeping up with another fort is way too much for anyone!
Oh, and what memories you did invoke with that video! I am a teenager of the 80's and well-remember dancing to that Whitney song.
hee hee hee....creaking and moaning...pfffwwwaaahahahaha...from the bed....tee hee ha ha ha!
ReplyDeletethat is all.
Your renters must have been having some kind of a romantic getaway to break your bed. Or maybe they just use twice as much raspberry coffee creamer and don't do the 30 day shred.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a lot of work.
Maybe you should look for a long-term renter instead of using it as a vacation property. Then you wouldn't have to furnish & clean it.
Or maybe you should consider winning the lottery.
I second the motion for hiring a housecleaner after they leave ( I think I had mentioned this before...)
ReplyDeleteThat is definately some hairbow!
I hope you find peace and serenity now! soon :)
If you don't charge renters a cleaning fee you should...we always pay them when we rent. Then you pay that fee to professional cleaners and you're good to go.
ReplyDeleteOkay, first! The lint in the toilet: AWESOME story! And nasty and I am so glad you had Sweet Pea and not a miscarriage. And yes, it's AWESOME! I shall say the word AWESOME yet again and again!
ReplyDeleteAnd why do you think the Whitney Houston video is quite good? We (as in you and me) were children of the 90's. Was that an early 90's song? Behold the confession: I was probably still listening to Psalty the singing song book until 92 or 93.
I'm tired just reading your post haha! Sorry to hear your friend is moving away.
ReplyDeleteHeavens! Your life sounds stressful! My home life is calm and zen - because at work I'm a counselor for adolescents with behavioral and emotional diagnoses and that's enough stress without having extra houses to clean and spend money on. I'm sending good thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteMy hair is going grey just from reading this. HIRE SOMEONE TO DO THE DIRTY WORK. Yep, that's about it! Charge a little extry and you're all good. The end. Sanity slightly replaced and life is a little better.
ReplyDeleteGo nite-nite now and get some rest!!
If you plan on keeping the rental, I definitely agree on charging a deposit & cleaning fee as well as hiring a cleaning & lawn service company!
ReplyDeleteGood luck w/the house alarm : (
So sorry to hear about your friend moving away - hopefully she has a blog of her own so you can keep in better touch?
Anyhow, I hope you find your serenity now!
Oh my goodness... I can feel the stress coming through the computer. :( I hope things get 100% better soon! I can't imagine doing all of this... on top of having 4 lumberjacklings to tend to. You are superwoman.
ReplyDeleteGirl- you have GOT to hire someone to clean the house after the renters! Do you realize that you spent like 9 hours cleaning that thing?? It is also acceptable to have a list of things for the renters to do before they leave. Scrub tubs and showers, sweep floors, clean the sinks, wipe the counters, strip down the beds etc. We've stayed at rental houses where we've had to do some of the cleaning up.
ReplyDeleteYou could probably cover the cost of the cleaning service with all the gas money you'll save! :P
(PS. We are also very sad about Bimlissa and Bimbaby and the Bimchildren leaving... :( We should plan a large-ish playdate at the park before they leave. )