Shims

Hello! 

Today is Monday.

Today is busy.

And here are 6 completely random, pointless, and unrelated things to dazzle and delight you. 

You're welcome.

1)  I started taking piano lessons at the age of 12 . . . a little later than most children. 

I loved it. 

I continued with the lessons through my junior year in high school. 

For my last recital, I played a 13-page performance of Celine Dion’s, “My Heart will Go On” from the Titanic.

I don’t wanna brag, but I brought down the house.

Of course, my competition was 6-8 year olds who were butchering “Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star.”

After my award-winning performance, I was swarmed by those 6-8 year olds, wondering how I could play so well.

Well, girls . . . I am twice your age.

And apparently I am a loser, because there is no one else here even near my age bracket.

But, don’t worry.

I let myself have my moment of glory.

I shook their little hands, gathered my 13 pages of sheet music, held my head high, and walked out of there a star.

And I never performed again.

2)  As you may recall, my Lumberjack ripped out our old porch this weekend.  Our house was built in 1910.

That would make it 100 whole years old

Yes.

It's true.

  I am good at math.

Anyways . . . he found these old bottles amidst the rubble:

That was about the most exciting thing that happened over the weekend.

This is my life.

3)  My brother-in-law, Alex, sent me a new ringtone.

Did you know you can text ringtones to friends and loved one?

I was unawares.

It is the Paul Bunyan song and he doesn't start singing until about 15 seconds into the clip.

And, without fail, every time my phone starts ringing, I fear there is a strange, loud, scary man in my house.

4)  When the kids are driving me nuts, I sing a song that I made up.

Would you like to learn it?

It is really super easy.

You sing it to the tune of  "Skip to my Lou"

Too many children I do have.

Too many children I do have.

Too many children I do have.

Let's all go to bed now.

The kids love it and know it by heart.

They join in with clapping and dancing.

Good times.

This is the excitement that is my life.

Embrace it.

Feel free to steal that song for your own household.

5)  We still haven't closed on our new house. 

We might this week.

But we cannot be certain.

It is a cruel world we live in.

6)  We are still working on home improvement projects.

And when I say we, of course I mean The Lumberjack.

For I am a construction ignoramus.

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can inform me if "ignoramus" is a word.

So, we have a lot of tools and other home improvement rubbish floating about our house.

And sometimes . . . .the kids, namely the boys, get into all this aforementioned rubbish.

My boys.

They are such naughty-pantsies.

The other night, those hooligans of mine got into the "shims."

You might ask: "Taylor! (cause that's me) What in tarnation is a 'shim?'"

Well, dear readers.

A shim is a person who looks like either a boy or a girl.

You cannot be certain.  It is tricky.

So, a shim is a combination of the words "she" and "him," informing others that you are confused of the gender of the person in question.

Oh, I am kidding.  And I don't call people shims.  I have just heard this foolish phrase before.

Don't call someone a shim.

It is not nice.

But, I do like to tease my Lumberjack with construction terms that I think are humorous.

This usually results in him calling me a dork.

Along with "shim" I enjoy teasing him about "knotty pine."

ha!

Get it?

Like naughty pine?

Oh, I just crack myself up.

Little Dude, the boy not wearing a hat, is holding the shim.

A shim is used for something in home-building-g00d-times-happinesss.

I forget its purpose.

As you can see, The Lumberjack really scored high when he married yours truly.

Let us all have a moment of silence in sympathetic pity for the Lumberjack.

*Thank you*

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me what the purpose of a "shim" is.

Not the "shemale" definition.

The construction definition.

Am I being inappropriate today?

I am very tired.

Alright!

That's it!

Farewell!

Oh . . . one more thing.

I just shared with you 6 bits of useless information.

But one of the things I have already shared in a post from the days of old.

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me which item, 1-6, I have already told you about.

Can we not all agree that I am:

A)  Completely inappropriate with the He-She, Shemale, Shim talk today?

B)  Completely and ridiculously full of meaningless points today.

Toodles!