7

7 years ago, I was just finishing up student teaching and preparing to graduate from college with my B.S. in Elementary Education.

I was also preparing to have my first baby:

Yikes.

It was a time of firsts:

*First stretch marks

*First time wearing pants with elastic waists

*First time learning not to care how many people know how much you weigh

*First time learning not to care how many people see you while you are, um, indecent (gasp!)

*First time seeing incredibly high numbers on the scale and just hoping that, someday, I would weigh less than my husband again

Well, the day to have my baby finally came.

We got to the hospital at 5am for an induction.

At 6pm, they broke my water.

At 10pm, I pleaded for an epidural.

Yes.

I am woman enough to admit it.

I heart epidurals.

So, around 11, the nurse suggested me and the Lumberjack get some sleep before the baby came.

Sleep?!?!

Are you kidding me!

I laid there are all cozy in my bed watching Frasier reruns and watching the contraction monitor machine go berserk.

Seriously.

Watching Frazier reruns in a cozy bed is the only way to pass the time while dilating from a 6 to a 10.

I heart epidurals.

Well, around 2:30am, I knew something had changed and I was sure it was time to push.

But during my t.v. watching, the remote with the nurse call button had dropped onto the ground.

I could not reach it.

I was like a beached and paralyzed whale laying there in my bed.

I heart epidurals.

So.

The tv is on.

I cannot turn it off.

I cannot call the nurse.

I cannot get out of bed (but I still heart epidurals).

I cannot wake the Lumberjack.

Wait?

What!?

My Lumberjack?

Sleeping?

Sleeping while eagerly awaiting the birth of his firstborn?

That's unlike him.

But, alas, he was asleep.

So I start calling out,

"Um, help!  I'm ready!"

No one can hear me over the sounds of the Lumberjack snoring and the prompted laughter of Frasier's studio audience.

What's a gal to do?

So, I did the only respectable thing I could do . . .

I grabbed the only item within my reach:  the vomit bucket.

Then I took that bucket and chucked it at the Lumberjack.

Don't judge me.

Have you ever felt the sensation of a baby about to exit your body?

You would do it, too.

The Lumberjack woke up.

He was a tiny bit cranky.

He got the nurse.

And at 4:40am, Sweet Pea was born.

Oh, man.

Did our world change.

We had no idea what we were doing.

Seriously.

Not one clue.

At least I didn't want to superglue her mouth shut when she wouldn't stop crying.

But, I was pretty clueless, nonetheless.

I thought you had to change a baby's diaper after each and every feeding . . . even the 2am feeding.

So, I would feed her.

She would be all cozy and sleepy.

But instead of laying her back down, I would take her into her room, flip on the light, and begin changing her diaper.

Then she would do that classic newborn trick and pee all over herself during the diaper change.

Now, when that would happen with number four, I would just take a baby wipe to him and call it good.

But not with my firstborn.

I would strip her down and give her a full bath.

At 2am.

And then I would stare at her and wonder why she wasn't sleepy.

Oh, well.

Live and learn.

She is a precious girl who melts my heart.

She is a very helpful big sister.

She is awesome at everything.

She's just a kick in the pants.

Happy Birthday to Sweet Pea!!!!!!!!!!