I would like to dedicate this post to my friend, Lani.
For without her and my delightful conversation with her yesterday, I would have never remembered this horrific, yet painfully true, tale to tell you.
Everyone say, "Hi, Lani!"
Lani is pregnant with her 5th child.
Let's all give Lani a round of applause.
Okie -dokie, here we go:
When I was pregnant with my fourth child, who is presently known as Little Dude, I began having irregular heartbeats.
Interruption: In a earlier post, I blamed my pregnancy-related heart issues on Handsome Dude.
I fear I made a mistake.
It happens.
Handsome Dude: please forgive me.
In order for the doctor to decide what was going on with my heart, I had to wear a 24 hour heart monitor.
Now, this was a treat.
First, I got to join a really unfriendly nurse in a very bright exam room where she proceeded to rip open my shirt and place electrodes all over my chest.
Awkward.
Next, I got to carry around this box-thingie.
Whenever my heart was doing it's freaky thing, I would have to push the button.
I looked . . . ridiculous.
Let me set up the scene for you:
*I am pregnant for the 4th time in 5 years
*I am really, really, really large
*I have varicose veins
*I am cranky
*I am uncomfortable
*I am large
In short, I do not feel glamorous.
My husband comes homes.
Let me all remind you of him:
*He is the love of my life
*He is the one who is supposed to make me feel beautiful
*He is the one who is supposed to make everything okay
*He is the one who supports me no matter what
Now, what do you suppose my husband, the man I have been married to at this point for almost 8 years, is going to say when he sees his wife wearing a heart monitor?
Is he concerned?
Is he worried?
Is he encouraging?
No.
And without further ado, I present to you:
His Statement.
The Lumberjack: Dude! (yes, he calls me dude. charming, huh?) Did they have to shave your chest?
****************
I gurantee you that none of you have had a more embarassing moment with your husband than I had with my husband on that very tragic day.
I have been pregnant for 40 months of my life.
I am not planning on being pregnant for any more.
How many months have you been pregnant?
PS- I do not have chest hair.
LOL! Sounds a bit like what Music Man would say to me. I've been pregnant for just under 18 months. Miss E came 5 days early and Master L 1 day. I'll share my most embarrasing moment with you. When I was getting stitched up after Miss E was born, my beloved asked the midwife whom we'd known for, oh, say, 2 hours. "could you put a few extra stitches in down there". Hmm.
ReplyDeleteAfter my second thyroid cancer surgery I had a 6 1/2 horrendous looking scar on my neck. That's over half my neck, which is only 11 inches. I measured it.
ReplyDeleteWhen I removed the protective foam neckguard, my husband, who also calls me Dude, said, "Wow, they look like they got you with a chain saw!"
We laugh, or we'd commit murder. Thanks for laughing. You're adorable.
My month tally for pregnancy - 58 months! Did I win a prize or sumthing?
Ha ha! Three very amazing stories! I have only been married for a mere 5 months. I have yet to develop stories such as these that reveal such delicate husbandly sensitivities, however I am sure they are en route. And zero months pregnant for me. Do I get a prize?
ReplyDeleteno chest hair--good to know. Men. what do they know? I've only been pregnant 18 months. Thank you Lord.
ReplyDeleteTotal months of pregnancy in my life? 61 1/2. Number of times they shaved my chest? None.
ReplyDeleteI was pregnant for 30 months, nursed for 75 months...which means body was shared in one way or another with a little one for 105 months..or approx. 3105 days...AHH!
ReplyDeleteI've been pregnant a total of 31 months. Three pretty much full-term pregnancies, and then there were two that ended much too soon. I'm okay, though.
ReplyDeleteI have called my mother-in-law dude. I think it's funny that he calls you dude. And I bet I have had a more embarrassing moment, too bad I can't share. haha
Awww... a post dedicated to me! I feel so special. It was a great story- thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteLet's see, by the end of this pregnancy I will have been pregnant for approximately 52 months of my life... good grief.
that is too funny!! It is stories like that, that make me glad that I did not have to go through childbirth....because my husband would probably say something like that as well! I have been pregnant for 0 months, but have 3 amazing children! God is good!
ReplyDeleteLOL I feel for you, my man calls me dude all the time. :) I too have many embarassing stories that make my skin crawl.
ReplyDeleteI have been pregnant approximately 36 months, 3 healthy kiddos full term one of which was 2 weeks late and 9 1/2 pounds!! and I lost a little girl at 4 1/2 months and had 2 m/c's :(
Thanks for the laughs again!
LOL... gotta love sensitive men...
ReplyDeleteLast night my husband referred to my favorite, most comfy, nightie as "flannel birth control" in front of company... I've had it for years and he has never said a thing...
What’s with men and the extra stitch comment? My husband made the same comment after our second child was born. I swung at him, he stepped back and I missed. Then the nurse came up behind him and smack him upside the head for me. I was laughing so hard the doctor had to tell me to stay still.
ReplyDeletelol that. is. priceless.
ReplyDeleteAnd oddly familiar. ;)
Blessings-
Amanda
Does it count that I look like I'm still pregnant after 21 years?
ReplyDeleteTechnically, I have been pregnant for 18 months...my romantic story is that while I was in labor with number one, hubby watched a "Baa Baa Black Sheep" marathon that was far more interesting than holding my hand......the revenge part is that while I was pushing with number one, I produced a lovely urine fountain (thinking it was my water braking) that got him square between the eyes. Ahh.....love.
I don't know how I stumbled across your blog, but I'm glad that I did! Love it!
ReplyDeleteNone, yet!! I'm trying to glean all the wisdom I can from all of your "raising kiddies" stories. Especially the potty training stuff. Lookin' forward to that. :-/
ReplyDeleteI have three kids. How many months is that? Minus five weeks for my wonderful son who came three weeks early and last daughter who came two weeks early. Just before I was set to explode.
ReplyDeleteBless them.
uuummm....i have been preggers for about 22 months....2 live births, one miscarriage! I have two in heaven (one miscarriage and one boy who went to heaven in 2004 at the age of ten--auto accident) and one sweet 13 year old girl who is the light of our lives! :)
ReplyDeleteOkay, rebecca d, I don't know you, but that story is hilarious and just made me laugh out loud--I think I might have awakened two sleeping children! Sooo funny!
ReplyDeleteYou poor thing! Our "dudes" would get along quite well. Not strong on the compassionate side of things, but you gotta love em'!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I've been pregnant a total of 76 months. Strange number right? I only have 8 children. I did lose one at four months, and I have to say I could probably subtract a few for those who came early, but my mommy brains are fried and I can't subtract past 9pm. I just can't. It's against my religion. Well, it would be if I had one. I'm born again, but then again, you are too.
Thanks for stopping by a few posts back. :)
I'll steal it if you do. - I think I'm up to 76. What if I break double digits one day? OH MY. Never thought about that before...
ReplyDelete[...] This one comes from Rebecca D from the post A Monday Story for You: [...]
ReplyDelete[...] 8 ) Heart Murmurs [...]
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