Carrots and Potaters

****I am linking up at Hot Diggity Blog Diggity***

My super-cool roarin' brother-in-law, Alex, has arrived in these here parts and tonight we will be celebrating Christmas with him.

What can I say about Alex?

Hmmm . . . .

He likes to make things with his chainsaw.

He likes to hit small children with water balloons.

He likes to suffocate his entire family by collapsing parachutes.

And he is constantly roaring.

Any event with Alex is certainly going to be entertaining.

So, in a little bit, the Lumberjack and I will be loading up our lumberjacklings and heading out for  food, fun, and fellowship.

I am in charge of bringing a potato product and a vegetable product.

And since I cannot make delicious food on my own, I called up my patriarch so I could steal some of his recipes.

And now I am sharing them with you.

I hope my dad doesn't mind.

Dad?

Do you care?

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

First up:  Smashed Potatoes.

Start with some red potatoes.

If you have the baby ones, you don't need to cut.

But if you have the bigger ones, you need to cut them in half.

No peeling necessary.

Can I get an "Amen?"

Use however many potatoes you think you might need.

For tonight's purposes, I am using 5 pounds.

Boil aforementioned potatoes until they are tender.

But not as tender and soft as you would boil them when you are going to mash them.

One thing about my dad is that he is not exact, nor does he use measurements.

I think he does this on purpose so that no one can ever re-create the delicious delicacies that he prepares.

Whatever, Dad.

Whatever.

While you are waiting, fry some bacon.

I used an entire 12 oz box.

Raw bacon.

Gross.

Want to know something even grosser?

The Lumberjack fries bacon.

Then he removes the bacon from the pan.

This results in a lot of bacon grease in a frying pan.

He then adds eggs and scrambles eggs right in all that bacon grease.

I refuse to eat them.

For it is just wrong.

Hey.

Guess what.

Remember how I cleaned my refrigerator yesterday instead of taking a nap?

Look at it now:

Boy.

It's a good thing I did that.

Ok.

Focus.

When the potatoes are done, drain them, and then bring them back to the warm pot.

Mash them slightly with a fork or a potato masher.

Don't over do it.

Add butter, warm milk, cheddar cheese, cooked bacon, and some sour cream.

Or whatever else you deem necessary.

Some people might like to add chives.

Really.

You have the power.

I over mashed.

This is my life.

Do not, I repeat, do not tell the Lumberjack that there is sour cream in these potatoes.

He will not, I repeat, will not even try them.

Picky-pants.

And since I am serving these later, I will be adding them to my crock pot and hoping that they somewhat resemble the delicious potatoes my dad makes.

And now, it is time for the vegetable.

I chose carrots.

I also chose to poach another recipe from my dad.

Are you ready?

Peel some carrots.

I loathe peeling any vegetable products.

For tonight's purposes, I used 5 pounds.

It was a lot of loathing.

Slice carrots.

Add them to a pot of boiling water.

Like so.

Cook them until they are fork tender.

Or whatever.

Drain.

Put them back into the warm pot.

Here comes the healthy part:

Add some butter and brown sugar.

Look at me!

I have two crockpots!

Aren't I something else?

Well, there you have it.

Two stolen recipes from my Goober 2 song IPod Dad.

If these recipes turn out just nasty-wrong, blame it on him.

If these recipes turn out delicious, you can thank me.

Okie-dokie!

I am off to celebrate Christmas with Big-A.

I am sure I will have plenty of material for tomorrow's post.

Toodles!