Jack and Mabel, part two

*For more on Jack and Mabel, click here*

Jack and Mabel were the two golden retrievers that the Lumberjack and I brought home during our first 3 months of marriage.

Let's review what we have already discussed about them:

1)  We bought them with the intent to breed, but that was a no-go, due to Mabel's sealed womb.

2)  They were terrors:

Fact:  They ate our floor

Fact:  They ate my old hairnets

Fact:  They jumped out of moving vehicles.

Fact:  They dug up the remains of my childhood dog, Joey, snacked on said remains,  and then got sick and threw up all over my parent's carpet.

So, at this point in our story, it is the year 2005.

The Lumberjack and I have been married for 5 years.

Sweet pea is 18 months old and Daisy Mae is 3 months old.

I was still in my "I think babies are challenging but I have no idea what I am talking about because I have yet to have a boy" phase.

Raise your hand if you just have girls.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret:

BOYS ARE WAY HARDER.

But I digress . . .

So, there I was:  A stay-at-home mom of two little girls and I was also trying to keep track of tweedle dee and tweedle dum:

I had no control over these dogs.

They would escape all the time, for hours on end, and I had no idea where they went.

One time, they were picked up on the FREEWAY.

Yes.

Safe, I know.

When they would return from their secret rendezvous, they would bring home other people's dog's toys, baseballs, shoes, and a whole assortment of odds and ends.

Half the time they would come home soaking wet, which led me to believe that they:

A) Took a jog down to the lake

B)  Were crashing backyard neighborhood pool parties.

One day, the Lumberjack came home and I was at my wit's end.

4 million points to anyone who can tell me what a wits' end is.

I could not keep track of these dogs.

So, we found a home for Jack.

I felt really guilty about this.

But it had to be done.

We gave Jack to a family friend and we told this friend that if he ever changed his mind, we wanted him back.

The first few days were pretty rough for me and Mabel, but ,eventually, we got used to life with one dog.

And since we kind of knew the guy who took Jack, we would occasionally hear updates.

*****Fast Forward 2 years********

The Lumberjack and I are in bed.

He is asleep.

I am doing my usual routine: think and worry about anything and everything I can.

Out of nowhere, my thoughts focus on Jack.

What have I done?!

He was my first baby?!

I used to love him so much . . . how could I give him away?

Me:  "Wake up!  Wake up!"

The Lumberjack: "Huh?"

Me:  "I miss Jack!"

*sob*wail*sob*

Now, we also have a brother-in-law named Jack.

This has my poor husband feeling slightly confused.

Him:  "Why do you miss Jack?"

Me:  "I can't believe I gave Jack away!"

Him:  "The dog?"

Me:  "I loved him!"

Him: "Jack was stupid.  Go to sleep."

Me:  "Have you heard any news on him?  Is he doing okay?"

Him:  "He is fine.  Go to sleep."

Me:  "Let's see if we can get him back."

Him:  "No."

Me:  "Please!  Life is easier now . . .the girls are older.  We could handle it now!"

Yes.

I thought life was easy.

God still hasn't blessed me with this dude yet:

Now, the Lumberjack hates chatting with me.

And he especially hates chatting with me when he is half-asleep.

Him:  "Go to sleep.  Jack is dead."

Me:  "What!  How do you know?"

Him:  "My parents told me.  He got hit by a car a few months ago.  Goodnight."

I am now sitting straight up in bed and I turn the light on.

Also, I am wailing.

Not just crying.

No.

I've got snot everywhere, I'm hyperventilating . . . it's not pretty.

Me:  "Why didn't you tell me?"

Him:  "Because you would act like this."

Me:  "Why did I give him away?"

So, I continue to wail for good 10-15 minutes.

My poor Lumberjack just really wants sleep.

Finally, he sits up.

"Ok.  He is not dead.  I haven't heard anything about him for awhile.  I am sure he is fine.  Can we go to sleep now?"

Me:  "What?  Why did you say he was dead?"

Him:  "I thought it would make you go to sleep quicker."

Clearly, my Lumberjack has a lot to learn about the inner workings of the female mind.

Now, I am not only upset about not having my dog, but I also am recovering from the fact that I thought he had been hit by a car.

And, to make things even more interesting, now I have to worry about the future of my marriage.

I really should never try to communicate with this man after 9 pm.

It truly does me no favors.