A few months before the Lumberjack and I were married, my mom's work threw me a shower.
My mom had worked at the same place since I was about 5 years old, so I grew up knowing many of these ladies.
One lady, Dianna, has a daughter my age named, Katie.
Katie and I were the only "young" ones there.
The shower, which was at Katie's house, was lovely.
I received many nice gifts.
I had a lovely time.
But then . . . then the ladies started to get a bit rowdy.
And they started to talk . . . about things Katie and I definitely did not want to hear.
Katie and I spent the majority of the time blushing and covering our ears.
I mean, these are women that are too old for this sort of hanky panky.
They are too old to talk about any of this sort of stuff . . . right?
And just when we thought it could not get any worse . . . Katie's mom reached under her couch and pulled out a book.
A book that contained images and advice.
Oh, the horror of the images and the advice.
A type of book that Katie would have preferred to know nothing about.
"Gross, Mom! How long has that been there?"
"Oh, ever since we were married."
Attention all parents:
Your kids do not now, nor will they ever, need to know about these sorts of things.
Ever.
So, it was quite the awkward shower.
But I had one final gift to open.
They blindfolded me and took me outside.
I heard something moving around in the back of a truck.
"Am I getting a puppy?!"
I really liked puppies.
I heard my mom gasp.
"What in the world?"
They took off the blindfold, and right there, before my very eyes, was a pig.
Now, my parents do not live in the kind of neighborhood where keeping pigs is, well, legal.
But luckily, my in-laws do . . . and they already had a few pigs of their own.
So our pig, which we named Frank, went to live with them.
Frank ended up being more of a burden than a blessing.
We had to pay my inlaws room and board.
We had to find buyers.
We had to find a butcher.
Attention all soon-to-be guests at a bridal shower:
Please do not give pigs.
Thank you.
OMG! I would die if I knew anything about my parents having a book like that. You are definitely right, some things kids NEVER need to know. No matter how old, how close, how friendly.
ReplyDeleteUm Yeah, strange. Well. At least you got a shower. I didn't. (at least not from my in-laws side.)
ReplyDeleteWell, since I am an old lady, I can attest to the fact that when a bunch of "mature" women get together, they can get rather "unrefined" shall we say? But the pig??? That is over the top girlfriend!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, a pig??? What was the point of the pig? I think I am missing something. A pig?
ReplyDeleteYeah, that definitely needs to be put in the "Inappropriate" file in your brain. As well as the "Please forget" file. And a pig?? Seriously?? Um, different.
ReplyDeleteHa! When I was in 4th grade my mom decided she wanted a pet pig-not a cute little pot belly pig but a full size real pig. She was cute as a piglet but as she grew she did get to be......a neighborhood nusiance. She would break out of her pen and go all over the neighborhood. My sister and I would have to go out and get her and attempt to bring her home. Then one day my dad said that we had taken care of Rosey (our pig) long enough it was time for Rosey to take care of us! yep we ate her!
ReplyDeleteThat is truly the wierdest thing ever.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha! I totally feel your pain. :) Literally! Soo-eee!
ReplyDeleteOh Wow, I have heard and experienced the first part.....but definitely not the second part! Too funny!
ReplyDeleteI love it! And I love it even more knowing that I know some of those ladies! The book cracks me up, oh the horror! Kids do not want to even think about their parents and things like that... What was the story with the pig?!?!?! Who in the world gives a pig as a shower gift?
ReplyDelete